Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Use at your own risk: https://www.dhmo.org/msdsdhmo.html

It can be very useful when heated to ~190ºF and the correct amounts of caffeine, sucrose, and perhaps a bit of a concentrated liquid form of a lactose-free creamer are added in the correct amounts. Can be addictive ...
 
I never liked the moniker dhmo. No one calls it dihydrogen monosulfide.

I'm going with oxidane from now on.

The accepted IUPAC name of water is oxidane or simply water, or its equivalent in different languages, although there are other systematic names which can be used to describe the molecule. Oxidane is only intended to be used as the name of the mononuclear parent hydride used for naming derivatives of water by substituent nomenclature. These derivatives commonly have other recommended names. For example, the name hydroxyl is recommended over oxidanyl for the –OH group. The name oxane is explicitly mentioned by the IUPAC as being unsuitable for this purpose, since it is already the name of a cyclic ether also known as tetrahydropyran.

The simplest systematic name of water is hydrogen oxide. This is analogous to related compounds such as hydrogen peroxide, hydrogen sulfide, and deuterium oxide (heavy water). Using chemical nomenclature for type I ionic binary compounds, water would take the name hydrogen monoxide, but this is not among the names published by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC). Another name is dihydrogen monoxide, which is a rarely used name of water, and mostly used in the dihydrogen monoxide parody.
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I would argue for hydrogen hydroxide - the molecule is an O-H-O structure and there are always some H and OH ions floating around.
 
I went to Walmart today, and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
 
Cap'n Jack said:
Let's go to the source... IUPAC
https://iupac.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Red_Book_2005.pdf , page 306.

H2O, dihydrogen oxide; water
H2O ¼ [OH2], oxidane (parent hydride name), dihydridooxygen
1H2O, diprotium oxide;
(1H2)water
D2O ¼ 2H2O, dideuterium oxide;
(2H2)water
T2O ¼ 3H2O, ditritium oxide;
(3H2)water
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It’s all methyl ethyl bad sh*t to me. Meanwhile, back to the jokes.

Little Johnny goes to visit his aunt’s house on the way back from school. He ends up seeing his dad and his aunt passionately kissing and taking their clothes off. So Little Johnny decides to go home to share the story with his mom.
Little Johnny starts telling the story “I went to Aunt Karen’s house and saw daddy giving a big kiss to Aunt Karen then taking her shirt off, and then taking her pants off. Then aunt Karen…” Shoked and angry, his mom interrupts him and says “Little Johnny, this is such a great story. I don’t want your dad to miss it. Can you tell your story again at diner tonight? I want to see your dad’s face when he hears it.”

Later that day, the family is having diner, and the mom asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Little Johnny is eager to share the story again and says: “Well, I went to Aunt Karen’s house, and I saw daddy giving aunt Karen a big kiss, and then he took off her shirt”.

Johnny paused and continued the story “And then aunt Karen helped daddy take off his pants, and then daddy and aunt Karen did that same thing that mom and uncle Joe used to do when daddy was away on his business trips!”.
 
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luvflyin said:
Meanwhile, back to the jokes.

Little Johnny...
Click to expand...

School started this week, and Little Johnny's first-grade class starts with the teacher telling them "You are in first grade now and we do not talk baby talk in my classroom. When I point to you, stand, tell me your name and something you did this summer."

The first child stood, "My name is Jackie, I visited my Nanny."
The teacher said "That's great, but from now on we will say, Grandmother. There is no baby talk in the first grade."

The second child stood, "My name is Regina. I rode a choo choo this summer". The teacher replied, "That's good, but from now on we will say train. Remember, no baby talk in first grade."

Then Little Johnny stood, "My name is Johnny, and I read a book this summer." The teacher replied, "That's wonderful Johnny! What book did you read?" Little Johnny very proudly replied, "Winnie the ****"!

- Maybe this is what started it.
 
I have a friend that likes a steak rare. I once commented, "your steak is eating your corn!" ;)
 
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What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students?
Watch closely. I'm only gonna show this once.
\-o-/
 
"What do you wish to do in the future?" asks the teacher.
Pete: "I want to be a pilot"
Tommy: "I want to be a doctor"
Margaret: "I want to be a good mother"
Frank: "I want to help Margaret"
 
A Boeing 737 Max flight attendant walks into a bar and orders a martini.
“You’re here later than usual,” the bartender comments. “Problems at work?” “Yes, just as our flight was about to take off, we had to turn around and wait at the gate for an hour.” “What was the problem?” the bartender asks. “The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine,” she replies. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”
 
When Chuck Norris walks through airport security, he makes them take off their shoes.
 
What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seatbelts.
 
Why is development in airplane engineering so slow?
Everyone is afraid to make a groundbreaking design.
 
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