Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

I believe this one is original.

What did the aliens from the planet IKEA say when they arrived on earth?

We come in pieces.
 
Cop pulls over a blonde lady who has been doing between 30-50mph over the posted limit and driving right between two lanes.
So the officer walks up to the window and says, "Ma'am, what in the WORLD do you think you're doing driving like this? It's absolutely crazy!"
The blonde replies, "You don't understand officer, I have a special license that lets me drive like this!"
Well, the officer chuckles and says "Well, ma'am, this I've GOT to see." So she rummages through her purse and pulls out a half sheet of paper. The officer glances at it and says, "Ma'am, this is nothing but a temporary license. There's nothing special about it."
"But officer, look right down here at the bottom. It says 'Tear along the dotted line.'"

(Hope that was worthy of being the 10,000th post in this thread!)
 
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A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”
 
What really makes the Soylent Green Corporation run? It’s the people!

Sheepdogs love jokes about flocks. They won’t stop until they’ve herd them all.

Give a someone a plane ticket and they’ll fly for a day. Push a someone out of a plane and they’ll fly for the rest of their life!
 
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