Getting Wife Buy-In on PPL

I am glad I have a awesome wife and I don't have to ask her permission to do anything!
I was drag racing cars, bikes and riding motocross when she was pregnant and way before. When my kid was about 1 I just decided one day I wanted to fly and no experience and nobody in the family was into aviation.
Me, my wife and son drove 45 minutes to the flight school and I went on a discovery flight. I thought it was cool and when I landed I signed up for lessons. 3 months in I sold the racing stuff (I was burned out) and bought a 172. Now 17 years later and owning tons of cool planes I am still flying and having fun. My son has flown in over 30 different planes with me. Cessna's, Bonanza's, Cubs, Stearmans, Pitts, Christen Eagles, Skybolts etc....
My wife supports anything I want to do as long as I don't chase other women! She always makes the comment you only live once! Have fun!
She does not like the B**CH wives that hold their husbands back from their dreams.
 
Trying to imagine my wife not letting me back in our house... Not exactly how our family operates but all good. I agree. Buy some books and Sporty’s ground school. My wife was certainly apprehensive and still is blissfully ignorant to costs. She said straight up she would not stop my dreams. I married well but her seeing me study and read and watch a million YouTube videos didn’t hurt.
 
I have been a pilot since I was 18 years old and married since I was 24. It really helped that I was flying before I was married. We never had to have one of those "discussions". At least in regard to flying.

I think something to consider is what would you say if your wife came in and announced that she was going to buy a motorcycle or an expensive boat and join a motorcycle or boating club and be gone 2-3 nights a week and some weekends?

If you have the type of marriage that can survive that then go for it.

I am lucky that I do.
 
jimhorner said:
I’d modify this suggestion a bit regarding bringing your wife along on the discovery flight. If it’s your discovery flight, you’ll be in front with an instructor, and your wife would be in the back. If you actually do proceed with getting a PPL, your wife will most likely be up front with you when you are flying together. Front seat is better than back seat for reducing the possibility of motion sickness, the view is better, and being able to participate in the flight is also enhanced. So, why not get her a Discovery flight first, and you either sit in the back or stay home with the kid?

The risk of all of this is, of course, that she’ll agree to you getting a PPL —- only after she get hers!

Note that the spouses don’t always travel in front. My wife sometimes sits in the back on long trips. She can open up her laptop and get some work done, and it’s a bit more comfortable for both of us to have a bit of extra space. A Bellanca Super Viking is a cozy plane...
Click to expand...

Yeah I was contemplating how to word that. Your way is better.
 
Random thoughts:
  • Is the concern about "neglecting responsibilities as a father" related only to the time investment, or also the costs? Is this going to stress the family finances?
  • Sounds like you already spend time with your child watching airplanes and stuff - getting your PPL is a largely a personal solo activity, but using your PPL can and should involve the whole family - it's all about the adventures, and the memories, as some others have illustrated on this thread. Focus on the latter. And recognize if you don't have your family involved, you probably won't use your PPL much, if at all, after you spend all that time, effort and money to get it.
  • Find more ways to keep your child excited about airplanes and aviation. Rubber band gliders, maybe a PC flight simulator. I sense he's still young, but they grow up fast.
  • A lot of the PPL study time does not require you to be at the airport; you can do a lot of it at home. In fact you could start now on some of the ground school material, aviation weather, that sort of thing.
  • You can pace out the PPL; I think the ideal is twice a week to fly, but you can still do it at half that rate, or start off more intense until you do your first solo and then adjust if the time commitment is proving too great.
  • Life is a balance; being a good father doesn't mean excluding everything else. But it also means limiting what you do away from work that excludes your children completely. Again, focus on the "using your PPL" and recognize getting your PPL is just a necessary short term stepping stone activity.
  • Finally, you really took the wrong approach to this. Next time tell her you're all moving to Steamboat because you've decided you want to become an expert skiing avalanche chutes and climbing ice falls. When she exercises her veto on that, you can tell her you will begrudgingly scale back your ambitions substantially to merely getting your pilot's licence. ;)
Finally, if nothing else works, tell her you're doing it for the sake of the kids:
Teach Your Child to Fly.JPG



Crashnburn said:
Yes, it’s always easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Click to expand...

That depends entirely on whether she knows how to use a handgun or not...:p

danhagan said:
For you single guys, the pilot that won the "smartest pilot in the world award" went to the ATC pilot that has an ATC wife ... you can give up trying to win that award;):D
Click to expand...

There's a story going 'round she got this tee for her birthday. ;)
ATC Tee.JPG
 
Last edited:
One more thing to think about that has been hinted at but not stated explicitly. Being a good father also entails setting a good example of how one pursues one’s aspirations in life. If it truly is a dream of yours to learn to fly and important to you, I would argue it sets a bad example to children to just give that up.

Delaying perhaps until the children are no longer infants requiring constant care seems reasonable, but don’t put it off forever.

My 2 cents worth.
 
Buy a set of cheap gold clubs. But instead of going to the course, go to the airport. A good game of gold takes hours, but those hours can be used for flying. Then just deal with the fire at home after you get your license. Remember it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.
 
TommyG said:
Buy a set of cheap golf clubs. But instead of going to the course, go to the airport. A good game of gold takes hours, but those hours can be used for flying. Then just deal with the fire at home after you get your license. Remember it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.
Click to expand...

FIFY. GOLD clubs ain't cheap. lol.
 
Buy a set of cheap golf clubs. But instead of going to the course, go to the airport. A good game of gold takes hours, but those hours can be used for flying. Then just deal with the fire at home after you get your license. Remember it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.

BrianNC said:
FIFY. GOLD clubs ain't cheap. lol.
Click to expand...

How are you going to play a good game of gold with golf clubs? :p
 
GRG55 said:
Is the concern about "neglecting responsibilities as a father" related only to the time investment, or also the costs? Is this going to stress the family finances?
Click to expand...

Mostly the time investment. My wife and I both work in relatively demanding jobs, so time is often more precious than money. That said, we consider opportunity costs when making financial decisions, so there's some element of "Could we put that money to better use?" But compared to daycare in a big city, everything looks cheap.

GRG55 said:
Sounds like you already spend time with your child watching airplanes and stuff - getting your PPL is a largely a personal solo activity, but using your PPL can and should involve the whole family - it's all about the adventures, and the memories, as some others have illustrated on this thread. Focus on the latter. And recognize if you don't have your family involved, you probably won't use your PPL much, if at all, after you spend all that time, effort and money to get it.
Click to expand...

GRG55 said:
Life is a balance; being a good father doesn't mean excluding everything else. But it also means limiting what you do away from work that excludes your children completely. Again, focus on the "using your PPL" and recognize getting your PPL is just a necessary short term stepping stone activity.
Click to expand...

This is both insightful and useful, and more importantly, it resonated with my wife. Thanks.

GRG55 said:
Finally, you really took the wrong approach to this. Next time tell her you're all moving to Steamboat because you've decided you want to become an expert skiing avalanche chutes and climbing ice falls. When she exercises her veto on that, you can tell her you will begrudgingly scale back your ambitions substantially to merely getting your pilot's licence.
Click to expand...

This strategy isn't quite as effective when you meet your wife right after being a ski bum, and she's the one saying, "How about we try that no-fall chute over there?" :)

Also, and though it doesn't relate to your post, I suspect that a lot of the posters saying my wife should just grin and bear it haven't parented kids under two in quite a while. It'll exhaust anyone. When we got married, she quit her job, moved across the country, found a new one, and financially supported us, all so that I could go to law school. I've never doubted her willingness to make sacrifices for me, and she's entitled to ask that I justify them.
 
Last edited:
KitCarson said:
I've spent a long time lurking on these boards, dreaming about the day when I might finally be able to pursue a pilot's license. Like a lot of you, I grew up around planes and airports and have wanted to fly recreationally for as long as I can remember. Financially, that's now possible. But with one young child in the mix already and another on the way in several months, my wife views learning to fly for fun, and the time involved, as neglecting my responsibilities as a father. (In better news, she's not that worried about the safety of it.)

I'm not crazy/dumb enough to start taking lessons with a newborn in the house, but this is still something I'd like to pursue in the next few years, and my wife has said she's open to changing her mind. That's where you come in: if you've balanced pursuing/maintaining a recreational* PPL with work and a young family, I'd love to hear from you. How do you make it work? How did you sell the benefits to your spouse? Do those benefits even exist?

Alternatively, if the answer is, "Your goal isn't realistic until you've got kids in college," do please share that too. Not the answer I want to hear, but my wife and kids are more important than flying, and I want to be sensible.

*By recreational, I mean you got your PPL for fun, not to advance a career goal.
Click to expand...
Have you done a Discovery Flight? If not see if she will go with you on one. Its a great way to see if the two of you will like it. If both of you do, then you can tell her that getting your PPL will allow you to have family outings in rental aircraft from the flight school. With a small child you can easily rent something like a Cherokee 140 or Cessna 172 and still be well within weight & balance without sacrificing fuel.
 
Larry in TN said:
Just show her this promotional video from the FAA. That'll do it!

Click to expand...
I call BS on this video, there's no way a guy who just bought a new plane would keep it a secret to his friend through an entire dinner.~
 
KitCarson said:
I've spent a long time lurking on these boards, dreaming about the day when I might finally be able to pursue a pilot's license. Like a lot of you, I grew up around planes and airports and have wanted to fly recreationally for as long as I can remember. Financially, that's now possible. But with one young child in the mix already and another on the way in several months, my wife views learning to fly for fun, and the time involved, as neglecting my responsibilities as a father. (In better news, she's not that worried about the safety of it.)

I'm not crazy/dumb enough to start taking lessons with a newborn in the house, but this is still something I'd like to pursue in the next few years, and my wife has said she's open to changing her mind. That's where you come in: if you've balanced pursuing/maintaining a recreational* PPL with work and a young family, I'd love to hear from you. How do you make it work? How did you sell the benefits to your spouse? Do those benefits even exist?

Alternatively, if the answer is, "Your goal isn't realistic until you've got kids in college," do please share that too. Not the answer I want to hear, but my wife and kids are more important than flying, and I want to be sensible.

*By recreational, I mean you got your PPL for fun, not to advance a career goal.
Click to expand...

Don’t have too many kids, you won’t be able to fly anywhere together!! If you can financially afford it, I don’t see any reason why you cannot do it. I think if you are an avid bicyclist that you have a better chance of getting ran over by a vehicle than an incident in an aircraft.

I don’t see where you need to sell it, the only selling I did was asked if we should both get our PPL together. While that was the original plan, we went to a flight school who pulled 45degree turns and that was the end of that (them liberals :D).

Especially with working from home, why wouldn’t you be able to take lessons? I mean any healthy relationship needs time apart and your lessons are 1-2 hours each plus travel time. It doesn’t take that much time. Unless you join a cool club like I belong to and we have after flight dinner and drinks on the regular.
 
I got my PPL before meeting my wife. I married wrong, as my wife absolutely hated flying (I owned several planes while married, and I actually owned one plane she never cared to even SEE, not once, not even a picture!) When we had our first child, I was the one that realized the planes had to go, because all my free time was used up on kid time. So personally I'd recommend waiting until the kids are older.
Once my kids became older and more self sufficient (teenagers), I decided I had the free time and I wanted a plane again. Even though we were quite well off financially, it was literally the "straw that broke the camel's back" for our marriage: one more thing that had me away from her (and she had her "hobbies" that kept her away from me, like horses). I am divorced now, in part because of my love of aviation, and I realized that it is one of the best events of my life. I love flying and planes, and not having them means I'm not me. Now, my girlfriend of 7 years loves planes, and she would rather fly than do anything else, and it makes life much easier, stress free, and enjoyable.
 
These help me convince my significant other to let me learn to fly threads always make me happy about my marriage and make me sad for the one who created the thread.

'Because its important to me' is the only thing I ever need to say to my wife and the only thing she needs to say to me.

And when it comes to recreational flying, 'because I want to' is really the only valid justification there is. Any reasons beyond that are clever marketing at best. Although private pilots can and do use the plane for transportation and family trips, its not a practical or reliable way to move yourself or the family from point A to point B unless and until you accumulate a boat load of experience and part with a boat load of money. Its a hole in the sky that you throw hundred dollar bills into because you enjoy it. If your partner isn't going to be on board with that, it might be time to reevaluate.
 
TheFB said:
She said straight up she would not stop my dreams.
Click to expand...

Juliet Hotel said:
'Because its important to me' is the only thing I ever need to say to my wife and the only thing she needs to say to me.
Click to expand...

This is generally how it should be and how it works for me and my fiancée. Although I already had my PPL when we met, she is no fan of flying (even on the big iron). That has not stopped her from encouraging me and supporting my habit of "committing aviation."

It still bears repeating - especially with two little ones in the household - that balance of time and parental/family duties is paramount. It's easily doable and being able to share aviation and make memories with your family is priceless.
 
KitCarson said:
Thanks for the thoughts. Having been happily married 7.5 years now, 2.5 of them with a kiddo, I'm confident that if I told my wife, "Good luck with the screaming newborn and destructive toddler. I'm going flying!" I wouldn't be allowed back inside anytime soon.
Click to expand...
I don’t believe anyone here is dumb enough to recommend being inconsiderate or demanding in your relationships. More like you shouldn’t accept that behavior directed towards you. I’m pretty sure we have all seen people sacrifice their dreams to placate their spouse.

The closest I ever came to breaching my professional ethics was over a woman that wanted to fly. Life long dream and all that fluffy stuff. Her husband shot it down. Dangerous, expensive blah blah. The reality was the pencil dick didn’t want his dirt bike racing budget impacted and really couldn’t handle his wife being more awesome than him. That dude loved himself more than his wife. No idea if she’s still there but at the time she quit flying and did what he wanted.

I’m not saying that your spouse is doing this to you. Just a friendly reminder that sometimes if we really love someone we encourage them to do things that we don’t understand, scare us or seem silly just because we want our spouse to be happy.

my wife has never said no to me but I always consider her and the kids first. I’ve never said no to her for the same reason. She puts us first. That’s how I like it but we are all different.
 
My wife (GF at the time) encouraged me to get my private, saw some home movies of my brother and me when kids going for a ride in a 172. She said she'd never seen me so happy and I should do it. Didn't change when we got married, except she thought I should get an IR so our traveling by plane would be more dependable. I was happy to oblige. Later she thought 120 kts was a little slow, so I bought the Lancair. Marriage requires sacrifices.
 
Cogito said:
My wife (GF at the time) encouraged me to get my private, saw some home movies of my brother and me when kids going for a ride in a 172. She said she'd never seen me so happy and I should do it. Didn't change when we got married, except she thought I should get an IR so our traveling by plane would be more dependable. I was happy to oblige. Later she thought 120 kts was a little slow, so I bought the Lancair. Marriage requires sacrifices.
Click to expand...
Your wife sounds horrible.
 
Show her pictures of travel destinations she might be interested in... :cool:
 
Update: seems we're moving toward a compromise in which the PPL becomes a possibility after the kids have passed the toddler phase. I take the conversation's turn toward "Wouldn't having the whole family up in a small plane be kinda dangerous?" to be *good* sign. She's done a discovery flight (and liked it), as well as a helicopter ride around New Zealand (and loved it), so this is looking surmountable.
 
Does your wife have hobbies? Or are those on hold so she can be at home 100% of the time to be a Mom? How was she raised? With two parents with no hobbies other than raising kids? Or does she (or her mother) resent that her Dad spent a bunch of time golfing/hunting/fishing/whatever away from the family? That could make it a harder sell for you. If her parents had hobbies and they balanced hobby time and parenting time that could make it easier to sell it to her.

If you have other out-of-home hobbies, you probably need to trim some of that back, at least during the flight training.

My wife plays tennis, pretty much year round. There are some breaks, but some years it is pretty much year-round; we live in Atlanta. I don't mind at all. I'm glad she gets out and has fun without me. We do plenty together, we don't need to be together 100% of the time. My wife also works, so all three kids went to daycare. We split the morning/afternoon shifts. She got them to daycare/school and I picked them up, which also meant I cooked a lot of the dinners as I was home first.

I was 41 when I started with flight lessons. I just told my wife I was doing it. She's use to me and my hobbies; I tend to go "all in". :oops: Her main concern was she has some motion sensitivity and the oldest kid doesn't like commercial flying all that much. The oldest has never flown with me, but the younger two have many times and love it; I even flew the middle daughter and her two dogs here for a long weekend back in May.

Now my wife really likes flying private. She's more than happy to get on the airlines too. She loves how much more you can see on the ground with us flying so much lower. She also likes that we can bring whatever fits with us. We'll bring stuff to the kids, food and snacks, or bourbons back from visiting Distilleries in Kentucky. We also can hop around and to to multiple locations on a trip.
 
KitCarson said:
Update: seems we're moving toward a compromise in which the PPL becomes a possibility after the kids have passed the toddler phase. I take the conversation's turn toward "Wouldn't having the whole family up in a small plane be kinda dangerous?" to be *good* sign.
Click to expand...
Congratulations. Now stop making more toddlers and you'll be all set. ;)
 
Ok, looks like you have a buy in. Get thee over to medical topics and find out how to maximize your chances of passing the 3rd class medical with minimum delay and cost, and without being denied so you can’t even qualify for a Sport Pilot license. Not as good as a PPL, but better than nothing.
 
@KitCarson - Lots of great replies huh!

You hear this all the time...all we really have is time and when you have kids times seems to just race by even faster (both good and bad)

I wish I would have learned sooner. You are at a time right now that you can afford it. If you wait another couple of years you may not be able to afford it and you might have to write it off for another 5 or 10 or 20 years. As you get older the training might take a be longer and it will surely be more expensive. So if you are set on flying and have the budget right now...then stuff away about $12K tomorrow! Put in a separate account for flying. You will both feel the "pinch" if there is one. If you can afford it monthly but not all cash right up front then every month put the same amount you would expect into an account. For example, lets say it would take you 4 months and $12k, then stuff $3k a month in that account and don't take a break or spend it. So while you are waiting on the toddler requirement you have already financed the flying.

I am in the camp that you can start you lessons maybe around 6months after the new kiddo is born. You already have kids and know how it works. I am guessing your wife would be a bit more at ease if you have a decent life insurance policy.

I love the advice above about what being a Man in front of your kids and being a Dad in front of your kids means to them. They need to see you being a Man as well as a Dad. As a Man you have things you want to conquer or accomplish. Them seeing you doing that while be their Dad at the same times sets a fantastic example.

For my wife and my daughter I often find that me "going flying" is often like a barter. When I get back she might ask me to take the dog for a longer walk or do some other stuff around the house so she can go shopping or visit family or do something with my daughter.

When it comes to flying we are in a strange mode right now. If is the whole family....awesome!!!! If my wife goes flying I usually hang back. If I go flying she usually hangs back. We have a rule that we never fly (just the two of us) while our daughter is home alone. If she is at grandma's or one of our brothers or sisters its okay. I personally hate the rule...and I made it. My absolute favorite flights are with my wife :) In a few years we will relax that rule but a 12yr shouldn't be getting "that" call. So my advice above does come from a guy, husband, dad and a pair of pilots.

I know you would much rather learn sooner and maybe have to take a break vs putting it off now and never even starting.

I'm also biting my tongue on the general vibe of needing permission from the wife. What if you "talked it over" and she said no. Would you just give up your dream. That would really suck. It seems your wife isn't making unilateral decisions which is good.

I took up a co-worker about year ago. He loved flying. Did a 1hr scenic of downtown. I could tell he was pretty much hooked. Then he tells me his wife is crazy scared of flying so he is giving up. WTF. He gave up his dream to fly because he thought his flying had to be about both of them. Total nonsense. What other dreams of his have been quashed because it doesn't work for both of them.

I write that last paragraph because statistically there is a very good chance (I will swag as high as 80% chance) that your wife just won't like it and maybe at least one of your children won't like it. Please don't let that thinking stop you from your dream to fly.
 
I was rated before I met my wife, and got my other ratings before we had kids. Now we have a 4 year old and thinking about another. It’s not easy. I really don’t fly outside of work and other ratings have been put on hold(CFI). Granted, I did much of the raising up to this point myself since my wife works in the medical field and is gone most weekends and nights. But like others have said, stick to a schedule, make sure you’re spending quality time with the family and it’s doable.
 
KitCarson said:
Update: seems we're moving toward a compromise in which the PPL becomes a possibility after the kids have passed the toddler phase. I take the conversation's turn toward "Wouldn't having the whole family up in a small plane be kinda dangerous?" to be *good* sign. She's done a discovery flight (and liked it), as well as a helicopter ride around New Zealand (and loved it), so this is looking surmountable.
Click to expand...
Ok, then it's time to get studying, the pandemic has been crap for most things, but I did my commercial and CFI this year. As mentioned earlier, learn the PHAK and Airplane Flying Handbook (both free from the FAA.) I also found "Stick and Rudder" a great help. Then you've got two years after you pass your written test to pass your checkride. Then you'll have enough time to master your first plane in time to start taking your kids for rides: (this video never gets old)
 
Sinistar said:
@KitCarson - Lots of great replies huh!
I am guessing your wife would be a bit more at ease if you have a decent life insurance policy.
Click to expand...
Since Sinistar mentioned this, let me throw in some additional free, worth what you paid for it, advice. Get all the life insurance you're ever going to want now. None of the individual term-life policies I have from before I was actively flying exclude flying activities. The additional policies I've gotten since do. Maybe an insurance pro can answer with definitive information, but in my experience, if you answer on the application that you intend to fly within the next x period of time (I don't remember exactly what they ask), only then do they include the specific exclusion for private flight.
 
KitCarson said:
Update: seems we're moving toward a compromise in which the PPL becomes a possibility after the kids have passed the toddler phase. I take the conversation's turn toward "Wouldn't having the whole family up in a small plane be kinda dangerous?" to be *good* sign. She's done a discovery flight (and liked it), as well as a helicopter ride around New Zealand (and loved it), so this is looking surmountable.
Click to expand...

I hope it is indeed a compromise and not a cop-out deferral and can-kick down the road.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top