A normal Monday morning....

Zeldman

Zeldman

Touchdown! Greaser!
Joined
Jun 13, 2014
Messages
17,245
Location
high desert NM
Display Name
Display name:
Billy
Scene: My wife announces she is leaving to go to Walmart. 10 minutes later I get into the shower.
Just as I am all soaped up, soap in face.....The phone rings...

Wife: The button doesn't work for the car.

Me: What button.

Wife: The one for the car.

Me: Ok...again, what button.

Wife: The one for the car to open.

Me: (guessing) The one to unlock the doors?

Wife: Yes, why don't you listen to me.!!

Me: (A loaded question, don't answer.!!) Use the key to unlock the door.

Wife: How to do that?

Me: Put the key in the cylindrical lock and turn it the proper way to unlock the door.

Wife: There is no lock.

Me: Look at the handle you use to open the door.

Wife: Oh....Ok, it unlock now.

Me: (silently... thank goodness) Drive carefully, bye.

Me: back to showering........ring.

Wife: The car won't start.

Me: Make sure it is in park. (This actually happened once)

Wife: It is in park. Now I can't get the key out.

Me: Ok, let me get dressed and I'll be right there. (I hurriedly dry off and put on some clothes and run to my truck to drive to Walmart. I find my wife standing at the garage behind the car) I thought you were at Walmart?

Wife: No, the car won't work.

Me: It took you 15 minutes to walk from the house to the garage, try to unlock the car and call me.??, is what I said in my head, but knowing better, I let that conversation die. I have noticed the battery has been a little weak lately. The car is 7 years old so I expect the battery to be going bad. First thing I try is to start it. Almost no voltage, suspect battery. I try to pull the key out and it will not come out. So I open the hood and find the positive post totally corroded.

Me: Ok wife, I believe this could be the problem. See the corrosion?

I pull the battery out, use a mixture of baking soda and distilled water to clean the post, then clean the cable ends, followed by checking and topping off the cells, After reconnecting the battery, the car still won't start. So I pull out the jumper cables and hook up to the tractor parked in the other stall. The car fires right up. And now the key will come out of the ignition.

Wife: I am so lucky to have a smart husband.!!

Lessons learned:

Being married to an Asian girl, I have long ago learned to try not to make sense of some of her arguments and even normal conversation. She speaks excellent Engrish but sometimes the subject gets lost in the translation. Then she gets mad at me when I do not understand what she is trying to communicate.

And Subaru keys will not come out of the ignition if the battery is dead.





But through it all she is a keeper.!!
 
At least she actually used nouns to indicate the problem. My wife likes to use pronouns. ;)
 
Ha!

Mrs. GRG55 is a horse girl. Can spot the tiniest problem with an individual horse in a herd of 20 at a 1000 yards.

But when I happen to get in the right seat of her pickup after a couple of months gap & she starts driving and I ask "How long has it been making that noise?"...the inevitable reply is "What noise?"

:mad2:
 
GRG55 said:
Ha!

Mrs. Timbeck2 is a horse girl. Can spot the tiniest problem with an individual horse in a herd of 20 at a 1000 yards.

But when I happen to get in the right seat of her pickup after a couple of months gap & she starts driving and I ask "How long has it been making that noise?"...the inevitable reply is "What noise?"

:mad2:
Click to expand...

Would have said the same exact thing anyway so I just changed the name. ;)
 
What does it mean when the wife decides to retire and announces that it will give her a lot more time to deep clean and organize the house?
 
wsuffa said:
What does it mean when the wife decides to retire and announces that it will give her a lot more time to deep clean and organize the house?
Click to expand...

"organize the house"

I hope you have the extra time to find things that have been "put away in their proper place"
 
wsuffa said:
What does it mean when the wife decides to retire and announces that it will give her a lot more time to deep clean and organize the house?
Click to expand...

It means your gonna have to find another house....
 
wsuffa said:
What does it mean when the wife decides to retire and announces that it will give her a lot more time to deep clean and organize the house?
Click to expand...

It means:
a) "Your" stuff is about to be purged...
b) ...to make more room for more of "Her" stuff...
c) ...but she will refer to it as "Our" stuff.
d) No, the garage is NOT a safe space any more (but the hangar space is still in play, so you might be okay!)
e) If you have any carpentry skills and can build shelves for her your marriage will remain on solid ground.
 
Good story. Reminds me of the time my wife called me from target and said the car was stolen. I went to pick her up while she called the police and waited for me. When I got to the parking lot I realized this was one of those huge stores with two big entrances. She had told me where she left the car, so I quickly drove by one entrance and looked, and then went to the other entrance in the same relative location and there was the car, right where she said it should be.

nuff said.
 
Salty said:
Good story. Reminds me of the time my wife called me from target and said the car was stolen. I went to pick her up while she called the police and waited for me. When I got to the parking lot I realized this was one of those huge stores with two big entrances. She had told me where she left the car, so I quickly drove by one entrance and looked, and then went to the other entrance in the same relative location and there was the car, right where she said it should be.

nuff said.
Click to expand...

:rofl::rofl:

And yet somehow she must have found this to be your fault....
 
Salty said:
Reminds me of the time my wife called me from target and said the car was stolen.
Click to expand...
So, one day I walk out of work and into the parking lot where I remember leaving my vehicle that morning. Not there. I even spotted the vehicle I had parked behind so I knew that I had found the exact spot, but what was parked there was not my Econoline. Bad word, bad word, turn around to go back to the office and call the police (b4 cell phones). Got half way back and, wait! I remember now! The old man's car was in the shop and he had borrowed my Econoline and I was driving the loaner which was parked exactly where I had left it in the morning...
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
So, one day I walk out of work and into the parking lot where I remember leaving my vehicle that morning. Not there. I even spotted the vehicle I had parked behind so I knew that I had found the exact spot, but what was parked there was not my Econoline. Bad word, bad word, turn around to go back to the office and call the police (b4 cell phones). Got half way back and, wait! I remember now! The old man's car was in the shop and he had borrowed my Econoline and I was driving the loaner which was parked exactly where I had left it in the morning...
Click to expand...
That's a good one. I had some "buddies" at work that thought it was funny the day they picked up my motorcycle and moved it to a spot around the corner where it couldn't be seen.

To get even, I went a bit nuclear. The next morning I came in early and took the bike up the elevator and parked it in front of the desk of the guy whose idea it was. I'm lucky I didn't get in big trouble for that one, but everyone thought it was so funny they didn't think to yell at me.
 
Salty said:
That's a good one. I had some "buddies" at work that thought it was funny the day they picked up my motorcycle and moved it to a spot around the corner where it couldn't be seen.

To get even, I went a bit nuclear. The next morning I came in early and took the bike up the elevator and parked it in front of the desk of the guy whose idea it was. I'm lucky I didn't get in big trouble for that one, but everyone thought it was so funny they didn't think to yell at me.
Click to expand...
Who got to move it back to the parking lot?
 
MauleSkinner said:
Who got to move it back to the parking lot?
Click to expand...
We left it in front of his desk all day. I didn't want to bring it down through the lobby until most people were gone for the day. I did have a woman get on the elevator halfway down though. Strange looks but she didn't say anything. ;)
 
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