Wedding Imminent

Sorry for being late:

Congratulations to both (all three) of you!

The first couple weeks (2 daughters of my own) were the toughest. Stress, no sleep, all the things you worry about, all take a pretty big toll. Take turns with your wife catching up on sleep, nap whenever you can, and do anything you can to make your wife's life easier.

Then sit back with your daughter in your arms and both of of you can take a nap together. Those days are what you'll remember with a smile.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
Our kids don't have confidence, attachment, or security issues. So for our family, it's worked out.
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I never said it was unhealthy for the kids. ;) I let my then 7 year old son sleep in our bed one new year’s because my wife was out of town. Never been kicked so much in my life. Get out!
 
Do what you can for your wife... But realize that if you try to make things too "equal" it can backfire. Some friends of ours wanted to be "equal" so they both got up whenever the baby needed anything, mom would feed and dad would change the diaper... And it just led to BOTH of them being over-tired and cranky, so they recommended to us that we not do that! So, we ended up staggering things for a bit. I was back to work pretty quickly, so I took the "evening shift" and after about 1 AM my wife would take over. So, do what you can for her, but the mama always bears the biggest burden... So do everything you can to support her, which is pretty much everything else. Cook for her, keep the house clean for her, just make sure that everything that doesn't involve being attached to the baby is taken care of.

Also, sleep when the baby does!!! It's tempting to "get things done" at other times, but you really can't. One of you is going to have to deal with the little parasite, and the other one will probably need to be the on-call support crew a lot of the time... But do the other things you need to do when the baby is awake, because that'll be often.

Don't forget to do things together. During the first year, babies are pretty portable and unless they're really fussy, if you time things right you can just cart them along with you, asleep in the car seat.

Don't let them change you too much. If you like to go to fly-ins, take them to fly-ins! If you do nothing except be a parent, you'll alienate your friends except your "parent friends". Once the kids are gone, you may not have much in common with those people any more. Plus, being exposed to lots of things growing up is a good thing. I'm glad my son is growing up around airplanes, and he's an airplane nut! It's really fun to share it with him... And I can't wait to see what new things we'll discover together.

And hang in there. It's tough the first couple of months, but once they start to smile at you and express themselves, it's a lot of fun. I keep thinking "this age is the best!" all the time.
 
NealRomeoGolf said:
I never said it was unhealthy for the kids. ;) I let my then 7 year old son sleep in our bed one new year’s because my wife was out of town. Never been kicked so much in my life. Get out!
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Yeah, there's no doubt that is the exact issue. Our girls will still come into our room in the middle of the night certain nights. When my wife's at work it's not usually a problem since we have a king sized bed. When she's home, it's an issue. We're getting more in the habit of telling them before bed that they can come sleep on the "special bed" (we have a couch at the foot of our bed - call something special and a kid perks up). That works sometimes. :)

Also hope my reply to you didn't come off as abrasive or defensive - was not the intent at all.

flyingcheesehead said:
Don't let them change you too much. If you like to go to fly-ins, take them to fly-ins! If you do nothing except be a parent, you'll alienate your friends except your "parent friends". Once the kids are gone, you may not have much in common with those people any more. Plus, being exposed to lots of things growing up is a good thing. I'm glad my son is growing up around airplanes, and he's an airplane nut! It's really fun to share it with him... And I can't wait to see what new things we'll discover together.
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I'll modify that a bit. Kids change you and change your life. Ignoring that or pretending otherwise I don't think does anyone a service, and the people who try to live their lives unchanged from kids I don't think are doing themselves or their kids any favors. Definitely expose them to as much as possible, but accept now that you can't do everything, nor as much, as you did before kids.

Some things are not fun to do with small kids, and are best to be avoided for everyone's sake. A lot of things require relearning of how to do them and make them fun again with kids. However the things that will make good memories, figure out how to do them and make them fun, because your choice is to do that or else have them grow up and realize you never did fun things. Vacations especially require a lot of relearning.

But above all, make sure you and your wife get time together away from kiddos. You two came first, and you two being happy together is of incredible importance to your kids. It took us a long time before we figured out how to make that work since we don't have useful family who we can leave kids with for babysitting. Let others watch the kid for a bit, get dinner together. Get a night alone. Not saying every week (or that it's even reasonable to do the first few months), but once it gets to where you can do it, at least once a month, figure out how to do something together, and make it a priority. It's really easy to say "Oh, [whatever] is going on, we're going to skip it this week" and have that be the norm. I'd bet that failure to do this is the primary reason why couples with young kids get divorced.

And hang in there. It's tough the first couple of YEARS, but once they start to get a job and move out of the house, it's a lot of fun. I keep thinking "this age is the best!" all the time.
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FTFY ;)

In all seriousness, I agree with the last part fully. Each age I think can't get more fun, and then it gets more fun.

But to be realistic, I have had days when I've wondered "WTF did we do this for?!" So don't feel bad when that happens.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
I'll modify that a bit. Kids change you and change your life. Ignoring that or pretending otherwise I don't think does anyone a service, and the people who try to live their lives unchanged from kids I don't think are doing themselves or their kids any favors. Definitely expose them to as much as possible, but accept now that you can't do everything, nor as much, as you did before kids.
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True, the point is just that it doesn't have to be how it seems to be for many. Ask yourself if you'd have done the thing before kids. Then, ask yourself if doing the thing with your kids will be a good experience for them. If the answer to those questions is yes, then do the thing. The natural inclination of humans is to be lazy and not do difficult things... And now things are most certainly more difficult.

Things will definitely change. The amount of crap we throw in the back of the Mooney when we go somewhere is crazy - But we still go. When we go to Maker Faire I can't sit down and solder something myself and see the entire show, but instead we can make a fun "Nerdy Derby" car together, as long as we get home for naptime. But we still go.

And then, of course, there's the fact that you can buy fun toys! Uh, y'know, for the kid. Of course. :D There's a store in town here called American Science and Surplus that has all kinds of electronic components, educational toys, and other fun stuff, and on a rainy day it's fun to just go there and look and see what they have... And sometimes we'll buy something cheap, or maybe some cheap parts to build something out of. And using those skills, now he can "help" me with projects around the house, so that I can get stuff done while supervising him.
 
NealRomeoGolf said:
Just enjoy it. When she hits 11 years old you’ll be wishing she was this size again so you can carry her in your arms, rather than impatiently trying to get her to do things that she refuses. And you’ll be wishing she only coos instead of hearing the backtalk about how you just don’t understand anything and parents are the dumbest in the world.

Wanna trade?? :D:D:D
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You know, earlier this week I thought "I can't wait til she's asking about math homework, I am ready for that - I don't know how to do any of this". Everyone I ask says that it doesn't exactly get "easier", it just changes from one thing to another. Worrying about feeding and maintaining your sanity, then keeping them out of things as they move around, then on and on.

PPC1052 said:
So much this. We were/are kind of sleep Nazis.
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SoonerAviator said:
Agreed. My wife has been Sleep Nazi Fuhrer and it works well.
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Godwin strikes in my life thread - it had to happen sooner or later!

SoonerAviator said:
1. The first 4-6 weeks are the toughest for parents and baby getting sleep. Everyone is new to the game, so it takes a bit to figure out what position they fall asleep easiest in, what routine works, etc.
2. Sometimes baby cries and it's tough to figure out what the problem is. Always check hunger, wet/dirty diaper, gassy, and anything pinching/irritating skin/causing pain. Many times they cry when they are fighting sleep/tired. Just remember that they can't verbalize what's wrong, and the crying will wear on you. When you're at your wits end and getting angry, set the baby down or pass them off to the wife. Even if you have to set the baby down crying by themselves for a few minutes while you walk away and calm down, it's better than continuing when you've lost your patience. The dye-free Mylicon has worked really well for us to help with any gas pains, and it shouldn't harm the baby with multiple doses, when necessary. We also use a good bit of Desitin for diaper cream when necessary.
3. As a father, just help out where you can. Clean bottles/baby supplies, offer to change diapers every time, burp them when Momma has finished feeding (if she breast feeds), etc. Moms typically bear most of the burden early-on, so taking that weight off them when possible makes for a happy wife/mother.
4. Just enjoy it. Play with baby, talk to her, make her smile/laugh. That's the stuff you'll miss when she grows up. Remember that this "season" of your life is actually very short, so take it in. She'll be up and walking in a year and then the real fun starts!
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I have been helping where I can, making insurance calls and appointments and cleaning and taking out trash and taking care of the dog. And I have already been frustrated with her crying. I stepped away for a moment and took some deep breaths and reminded myself of the above and then went back into the fray.

Ted DuPuis said:
Cooing? Don't you mean crying? Or screaming their bloody lungs out how can something so small make so much noise? I think you're far enough away that you've forgotten about getting 2 hours of sleep a night (on a good night) for the first few years combined with non-stop ear-piercing screaming directly into your ear (one of my daughters has contributed notably to my hearing loss). ;)
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She sleep, she rest, she scream at breast :confused:

Ted DuPuis said:
To @overdrive148 the best advice I can give is that a lot of parents will tell you what they did and say it's the only thing that works, or it's the best, etc. What they really mean is that it's what worked for them and their kid(s), and if mama has an idea of how things ought to be, challenging her is probably not going to work in your favor. Your kid is not their kid (well unless someone screwed up at the hospital) and your wife is not someone else's wife (unless something odd is going on), so getting a bunch of ideas is good, but ultimately figure out what works for you. Kinda like flight instruction. ;)
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I found it interesting when no two nurses (even lactation consultants) had the same advice or method for doing something during the hospital stay. Even our pediatrician has different opinions. Everyone involved has more experience with this than me - it's hard to pick out what to do.

We had a few classes (baby care, breastfeeding, birth and labor, carseat) before she came and the nurse teaching the class made some pretty wild and crazy claims and statements like "your house MUST be between 68-72* when she comes home" or "9 out of 10 car seats are improperly installed". I get that some people aren't as bright and need to be scared into caring about doing things properly but at the same time I didn't like the exaggerations.

flyingcheesehead said:
Do what you can for your wife... But realize that if you try to make things too "equal" it can backfire. Some friends of ours wanted to be "equal" so they both got up whenever the baby needed anything, mom would feed and dad would change the diaper... And it just led to BOTH of them being over-tired and cranky, so they recommended to us that we not do that! So, we ended up staggering things for a bit. I was back to work pretty quickly, so I took the "evening shift" and after about 1 AM my wife would take over. So, do what you can for her, but the mama always bears the biggest burden... So do everything you can to support her, which is pretty much everything else. Cook for her, keep the house clean for her, just make sure that everything that doesn't involve being attached to the baby is taken care of.
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So far it has been us - we're a pretty strong team. It's kept us both sane so far but I only have two weeks of leave saved up so we're going to have to learn to function in shifts because I probably couldn't function at work with this schedule...

It's been helpful for both of us to hold down the fort while the other steps away from the baby - it's crazy how we realize that we haven't been taking care of ourselves while being too focused on baby. Showers, personal hygiene, and even eating and drinking have suffered quite a bit with all the baby focus. The pediatrician reminded us that we have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of the baby.
 
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We also went to visit a "baby cafe" today - it's a place with 100% free access to lactation consultants and dieticians for advice on how to handle feeding/making sure she's getting enough to eat. As it turns out, she's been feeding for an hour and a half (screaming and crying, feeding, falling asleep, rinse repeat) and only getting about 1oz of milk from mom. She needs 2oz at this stage per feeding.

The lactation consultant weighed her before the feeding, then walked us through the feeding and watched how she was being held and aligned as well as how baby was handling it (plus advice and answers to all kinds of questions we had), then re-weighed her after the feeding. The 1 oz she made was in 15 minutes of feeding! They gave us a free hand pump, showed us how to use it, and we got another 0.5oz out of mom - still short of the 2 total required per feeding.

I am amazed that a negative feedback loop like this exists:

Baby doesn't have enough food and has less energy
Baby sleeps longer and doesn't have the energy to get enough milk out of mom
Mom doesn't empty completely and therefore doesn't get more food capacity
Baby doesn't have enough food and has less energy

We're introducing enough formula to bring her back up to the 2oz per feeding target and we're already seeing improvement.

According to the pediatrician, she's had something called "brick dust" and she's not had any "dirty" diapers since she left the hospital on Sunday afternoon. She didn't seem concerned as the milk was just coming in, but the baby cafe provided us with a ton of information and assistance a day early for absolutely nothing. I spent a little of my spare energy to bake some blueberry coffee cake tonight that we're going to bring in for them tomorrow to show our thanks since they wouldn't accept payment or tips. We also got with our insurance and we have a good pump on the way Saturday.

Tomorrow we have another appointment with the pediatrician to re-weigh and discuss diapers, then straight over to the hospital for a state-mandated baby testing battery (PKU i think?) so we will see how that goes.

All of our support people are leaving tomorrow. My father and my sister are driving back to CA and my in-laws are leaving at midnight back to OK. We're in the deep end now.

I have never wanted something to poop so much in my life.
 
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overdrive148 said:
[snip]
I have never wanted something to poop so much in my life.
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Our oldest daughter had anal stenosis when she was born. (Not an internet diagnosis for you, just something to be aware of. Your pediatrician will tell you if this is the case.) It required a week or so of putting on a glove, lubing up a little finger and gently probing her anus. Then she was fine and could poop. But I absolutely get the above comment!

I've done many, many things as a parent that I would have never considered before. And they are so worth it, even when they're still driving you nuts as adults (and nearly adults).
 
Since we got to the hospital, I've had chills, nausea, and some bathroom issues but no fever. Is there some kind of post-partum thing for dads at home with these symptoms? Sure, I'm tired and operating on a lot less sleep and I'm stressed, but my worry is that it's viral and I don't want to endanger the kid.

We ordered delivery to the hospital twice and I'm wondering if I got something from that. I was obsessive about using the sanitizer stations in the hospital.
 
overdrive148 said:
Since we got to the hospital, I've had chills, nausea, and some bathroom issues but no fever. Is there some kind of post-partum thing for dads at home with these symptoms? Sure, I'm tired and operating on a lot less sleep and I'm stressed, but my worry is that it's viral and I don't want to endanger the kid.

We ordered delivery to the hospital twice and I'm wondering if I got something from that. I was obsessive about using the sanitizer stations in the hospital.
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I've had five rounds of newborns and never had anything like that. I'd play it safe and wear a mask and wash-wash-wash your hands. We brought one of ours home with 3 of us in the house having flu. We wore masks, washed hands and tried to stay away from mom & baby and it worked.
 
overdrive148 said:
You know, earlier this week I thought "I can't wait til she's asking about math homework, I am ready for that - I don't know how to do any of this". Everyone I ask says that it doesn't exactly get "easier", it just changes from one thing to another. Worrying about feeding and maintaining your sanity, then keeping them out of things as they move around, then on and on.
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I remember holding my son after he was born (first kid) and thinking "Crap. This is the easy part." But as they get older it shifts. For one you get used to it, and for another the kids aren't 100% helpless and actually have the capability to do something useful. So for example, this morning 2 out of 3 kids dressed themselves (one was just being stubborn), brushed their teeth, put on their shoes, and even self-load and buckle their carseats. Major difference vs. what you have right now. So while it's not necessarily easier, it kinda feels easier.

I have been helping where I can, making insurance calls and appointments and cleaning and taking out trash and taking care of the dog. And I have already been frustrated with her crying. I stepped away for a moment and took some deep breaths and reminded myself of the above and then went back into the fray.
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FWIW, the first kid is by far the hardest there. For me by the time the twins came around, even though there were two of them and one had the worst screams I've ever heard from any child ever, it didn't bother me hardly at all.

I found it interesting when no two nurses (even lactation consultants) had the same advice or method for doing something during the hospital stay. Even our pediatrician has different opinions. Everyone involved has more experience with this than me - it's hard to pick out what to do.
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That's why don't fret too much over it and figure out what works for you. Anecdotally the people I've seen who've read books on parenting often have the most screwed up kids. My thought is because they're reading someone's opinion who's never met their kid, and are applying techniques that may just not work. So opinions are good, but don't be afraid to tell people to shut up and go away either, and figure out what works for you.

We had a few classes (baby care, breastfeeding, birth and labor, carseat) before she came and the nurse teaching the class made some pretty wild and crazy claims and statements like "your house MUST be between 68-72* when she comes home" or "9 out of 10 car seats are improperly installed". I get that some people aren't as bright and need to be scared into caring about doing things properly but at the same time I didn't like the exaggerations.
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Most car seats are installed incorrectly, that part is not wrong. There were some things that we had very wrong with the first kid's car seat that we didn't realize for probably a month or two. That said it's all safer than just putting them in a bassinet. The temperature in the house? Wouldn't worry about that one so much.

Babies are fragile, but not as fragile as society makes them out to be these days.

Oh, thoughts on breastfeeding. We did it exclusively and getting mom's supply up is challenging and hard, especially the first time around. Breast milk also will ultimately require more frequent feedings than formula, and that's why a lot of families opt to go with formula. The negative feedback loop also exists for mom's milk supply. So if you supplement with formula, that can quickly mean mom's milk supply goes down more, you get the idea. So my wife just powered through it.
 
Switching to full time formula feeding is not a death sentence for your baby, although many will make you feel that way. My ex-wife had a very hard time breastfeeding. Once we switched to formula, kids slept better, stopped crying all the time and everyone was much happier. And another positive, mom didn't have to wake up for every feeding. I was able to experience the special bond of holding our babies and feeding them. Of course when they grab a hand full of chest hairs at 2:00am it's hard not to wake the entire household. lol. Growing up, my boys were rarely sick, had zero allergies and had an amazing amount of fun.

As some have said earlier, take her out into the world. When our first was born we didn't have a lot of money. Going out to eat before the kid was a special occasion. I remember taking my son out to dinner with us when he was less than a month old. We ordered dinner. I was holding Jr. while we waited. It was at this point he decided to empty his stomach down the front of my shirt. lol Waitress brought our food in to go boxes and we laughed the whole ride home. Memories like this will last forever and I have thousands of them and creating more. Enjoy life, all of it!

Of course my boys are now 26 and 24 and times have certainly changed, more rules to be followed, information overload, etc. Not sure this is a good thing. Especially seeing how my GF's grand daughter is being raised. Parenting today seems unnecessarily much more difficult. But as my mom always said, If she knew how much fun grand kids were she would have had them first! At this point in our lives I couldn't agree more.

Good luck and trust your instincts.
 
Wife had a difficult time getting her milk supply up with the first one, and baby had some latching issues at first (born with a neonatal tooth!). Wife took some supplements for her milk supply and baby's tooth got pulled at first pediatric appointment a week later, everything was fine after that. She also had to supplement our daughter for a week or so with formula until her supply came in. Second kid, wife has pumped so much that she's now something like 2 months ahead of baby and forced us to go get an upright freezer for the garage to store it all, lol. My wife works in OBGYN, so she sees a wide gamut of different issues with feeding.

As for car seats, I have a hard time believing that the modern cars/car seats which use the LATCH system can be installed improperly, lol. Literally two clasps which snap onto the factory-installed anchors in every car manufactured in the last 20 years. Infant seat snaps into the base and you're done. I can see some installation issues once you move to forward-facing car seats or installation in cars pre-2001 where each car seat manufacturer has a different method of how to route the lap/shoulder belt.
 
overdrive148 said:
We had a few classes (baby care, breastfeeding, birth and labor, carseat) before she came and the nurse teaching the class made some pretty wild and crazy claims and statements like "your house MUST be between 68-72* when she comes home" or "9 out of 10 car seats are improperly installed". I get that some people aren't as bright and need to be scared into caring about doing things properly but at the same time I didn't like the exaggerations.
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The lactation specialist literally smacked the bottle out of my wife's hand during a consultation because she was holding it at too high of an angle.
 
SoonerAviator said:
As for car seats, I have a hard time believing that the modern cars/car seats which use the LATCH system can be installed improperly, lol. Literally two clasps which snap onto the factory-installed anchors in every car manufactured in the last 20 years. Infant seat snaps into the base and you're done. I can see some installation issues once you move to forward-facing car seats or installation in cars pre-2001 where each car seat manufacturer has a different method of how to route the lap/shoulder belt.
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Latches are a much better setup, but it's somewhere around 2003 where it became universal. Even then, if you have 3 kids (like us) and put 3 car seats across the back, there's usually no latches in the middle seat if you're not driving something with three rows.

The forward vs. aft facing is usually where some of the issues come in and it's not always clear the first time around for sleep deprived parents, and on some of them it's not always clearly marked. This is especially the case when you buy a car seat that's intended to last the kid's whole time in a car seat, since it tries to do everything.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
Latches are a much better setup, but it's somewhere around 2003 where it became universal. Even then, if you have 3 kids (like us) and put 3 car seats across the back, there's usually no latches in the middle seat if you're not driving something with three rows.

The forward vs. aft facing is usually where some of the issues come in and it's not always clear the first time around for sleep deprived parents, and on some of them it's not always clearly marked. This is especially the case when you buy a car seat that's intended to last the kid's whole time in a car seat, since it tries to do everything.
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Agreed. Heck, finding a vehicle that can fit 3 modern car seats across the back seat can be tough as it is without going to full-size SUVs/trucks. The car seats are pretty bulky/wide these days, and ridiculously expensive ($300+). We bought two of the Graco 4Ever (4-in-1) convertible seats so that we wouldn't have to transfer the heavy things back and forth between my wife's truck and mine. We have multiple bases for the infant car seat, too. The older kid should be moving to a booster seat by the time the younger one is ready for a rear-facing convertible seat, so we'll just buy a couple of booster seats at that time as well. They have life-limits, too, so by the time the second kid is into a booster seat, we won't even be able to sell the old car seats (or give them away free) because they expire after something like 5-6 years.
 
I've enjoyed this thread over the years. No kidding, your life just took a turn for the awesome. It's been 21 years since our first was born. Not a bad day yet. From the time she was born I've enjoyed every minute with her, then her brother.
 
overdrive148 said:
You know, earlier this week I thought "I can't wait til she's asking about math homework, I am ready for that - I don't know how to do any of this".
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Whoo boy. I know EXACTLY how you feel. But the dirty little secret about parenting is this:

Nobody else knows what they're doing either.

Think about that for a second, and relax. You'll get the hang of it. I'm continually amazed by the grandparents, because they know exactly how to deal with the kid... They've collectively raised five of 'em already, so they've got some practice! But no two kids are the same, no two families are the same, no two generations are the same, and we understand things now that we didn't understand a generation ago. So, your parenting experience is going to be unique. Just the fact that you care and you try will make you great.

I have been helping where I can, making insurance calls and appointments and cleaning and taking out trash and taking care of the dog. And I have already been frustrated with her crying. I stepped away for a moment and took some deep breaths and reminded myself of the above and then went back into the fray.
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It happened to me a couple of times early on, but not since. And I was kinda surprised to find out that my father-in-law, who has to be about the calmest person I know, said he experienced that with both kids as well. I think everyone does. Don't worry about it.

She sleep, she rest, she scream at breast :confused:
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:rofl:

I found it interesting when no two nurses (even lactation consultants) had the same advice or method for doing something during the hospital stay. Even our pediatrician has different opinions. Everyone involved has more experience with this than me - it's hard to pick out what to do.
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Try something, if it works, keep doing it, if not, try something different. Like I said, it's different for everyone. You'll get a billion pieces of advice, but not all of them will work for your kid in your situation. Take it for what it's worth, use it if you think it sounds useful, forget it otherwise.

It's been helpful for both of us to hold down the fort while the other steps away from the baby - it's crazy how we realize that we haven't been taking care of ourselves while being too focused on baby. Showers, personal hygiene, and even eating and drinking have suffered quite a bit with all the baby focus. The pediatrician reminded us that we have to take care of ourselves so we can take care of the baby.
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Yup. And take care of each other too.

Matthew said:
I'll never forget: My wife and I got home from the hospital with our first. We got into the living room and put the car seat on the couch, the kid was asleep. My wife and I looked at each other and said, "Now what do we do?"
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Sleep!
 
Been too busy to update but she finally did her first #2 since she got home on Friday about 2 minutes before we left to see the pediatrician.

It was the loudest movement I have ever heard, I was in the kitchen and I thought it was especially loud for my wife :eek:

Still moving along - when there's nothing to clean or schedule or help with, I have been finding stuff to go shop for out of the house to relax. The wife took a turn to get out and go shop for a bit. Everything was fine until she left - we were both anxious the moment the front door closed. She felt like she needed to be there with the kid, I felt like I was in over my head. Not to mention she started her hunger queues earlier than expected. Unexpectedly shaken by the experience even though she wasn't gone long.

Wife is pumping every 2 hours and feeding every 3. Trying to get that production up so we can get excess so I can take over some feeding. I fed her for the first time today with a bottle and it was pretty awesome if not terrifying.

Thanks for the sanity and advice in these first few weeks. Helps keep things in mind to stay grounded.

PPC1052 said:
The lactation specialist literally smacked the bottle out of my wife's hand during a consultation because she was holding it at too high of an angle.
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My mother in law works in the NICU and says that the lactation consultants there are absolute nazis and have made more than a few new mothers feel like failures. One of the lactation consultants in our hospital was also very rude and kept saying "look at me" over and over to my wife when she was running on minimum sleep and looking at baby while she was talking.

I can't fathom what I would do if that happened to me. I would probably return the favor.
 
overdrive148 said:
...My mother in law works in the NICU and says that the lactation consultants there are absolute nazis and have made more than a few new mothers feel like failures. One of the lactation consultants in our hospital was also very rude and kept saying "look at me" over and over to my wife when she was running on minimum sleep and looking at baby while she was talking...
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PPC1052 said:
The lactation specialist literally smacked the bottle out of my wife's hand during a consultation because she was holding it at too high of an angle.
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Reading through this thread, and comments like above, makes me wonder how the human race could possibly have survived over many thousands of years without all these experts?
 
GRG55 said:
Reading through this thread, and comments like above, makes me wonder how the human race could possibly have survived over many thousands of years without all these experts?
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Yeah no kidding. I called the TX lactation hotline number after our pediatrician visit (who said she would wait and see) just to see what they would say and the lactation consultant on the other end said that she did NOT like what she was hearing and that things needed to change TODAY because tomorrow wasn't fast enough and that baby was severely dehydrated and all this other doom and gloom stuff. She told us to go to the baby cafe immediately (which we actually liked the idea of) and then called my phone during the visit AND on my way home to ask if she had pooped yet. Lady you just said she was severely dehydrated, do you think she's just gonna go in the span of two hours?? I told her we went to the cafe and that her services were no longer required.

Although I have to say, our opinion of lactation consultants was saved at the baby cafe where things were calm and reasoned and they found she was underfed and our techniques could use improvement and gave us a manual pump. We are still making less than she needs, but we know how much to give kiddo exactly and it has helped immensely.
 
overdrive148 said:
Been too busy to update but she finally did her first #2 since she got home on Friday about 2 minutes before we left to see the pediatrician.

It was the loudest movement I have ever heard, I was in the kitchen and I thought it was especially loud for my wife :eek:

Still moving along - when there's nothing to clean or schedule or help with, I have been finding stuff to go shop for out of the house to relax. The wife took a turn to get out and go shop for a bit. Everything was fine until she left - we were both anxious the moment the front door closed. She felt like she needed to be there with the kid, I felt like I was in over my head. Not to mention she started her hunger queues earlier than expected. Unexpectedly shaken by the experience even though she wasn't gone long.

Wife is pumping every 2 hours and feeding every 3. Trying to get that production up so we can get excess so I can take over some feeding. I fed her for the first time today with a bottle and it was pretty awesome if not terrifying.

Thanks for the sanity and advice in these first few weeks. Helps keep things in mind to stay grounded.

My mother in law works in the NICU and says that the lactation consultants there are absolute nazis and have made more than a few new mothers feel like failures. One of the lactation consultants in our hospital was also very rude and kept saying "look at me" over and over to my wife when she was running on minimum sleep and looking at baby while she was talking.

I can't fathom what I would do if that happened to me. I would probably return the favor.
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We had the same issue. My wife's milk was not coming in as quickly as daughter #1 wanted to eat. The lactation consultants were of the "breast only" mindset, which left a hungry baby. What we finally concluded was that there's nothing bad in formula, it's just not as good as breast milk, and as long as she was getting a reasonable amount of breast milk we didn't worry about having to supplement with formula.

GRG55 said:
Reading through this thread, and comments like above, makes me wonder how the human race could possibly have survived over many thousands of years without all these experts?
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How did the species survive? With lots of infant mortality. As far as Nature is concerned, the first child can be a throwaway.
 
overdrive148 said:
My mother in law works in the NICU and says that the lactation consultants there are absolute nazis and have made more than a few new mothers feel like failures. One of the lactation consultants in our hospital was also very rude and kept saying "look at me" over and over to my wife when she was running on minimum sleep and looking at baby while she was talking.

I can't fathom what I would do if that happened to me. I would probably return the favor.
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That's very disappointing. I can say when our first child was born the lactation consultants were actually very good and supportive, and had good ideas, albeit not ones that we found 100% worked. But that's how it goes - you get ideas, you then figure out what works for you.
 
With the first kid, my wife was in tears the first two nights because she couldn't get the baby to latch well which made her feel inadequate and the feeding itself was painful. The lactation consultant came by and was very direct and wasn't of the most pleasant of personalities, BUT she got everything going and helped the wife immensely. She wasn't mean, just had a certain way she wanted it done to get results. Without assistance from lactation consultants, many women give up on breast feeding after the first week or two, because of pain/discomfort as well as baby not getting adequate supply. That said, fed baby is a happy baby be it formula or mama's milk. I grew up on formula and had no adverse affects that I'm aware of. The main difference it makes for nursing families is that mama's milk is free (versus formula), and generally always available. Makes a difference on the budget. Also, dirty baby diapers don't generally smell awful on breast-fed babies, but formula-fed has quite a stench. Spilled/stale formula also smells worse on burp cloths and clothing.
 
Skip Miller said:
Don't forget your wife. She needs your help and support now more than ever.

And enjoy! Stressful, yes... but this time in your life will make wonderful memories...

-Skip (two girls, 37 and 32!)
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Yep, they do grow up fast!
 
SoonerAviator said:
4. Just enjoy it. Play with baby, talk to her, make her smile/laugh. That's the stuff you'll miss when she grows up. Remember that this "season" of your life is actually very short, so take it in. She'll be up and walking in a year and then the real fun starts!
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That's the most important point. Enjoy it. They're small only once. Then they grow into teenagers.

Ours are 42 (be 43 in November) and 39. 5 grandkids between them. The twins (the youngest ones) are 5 and in kindergarten. They're only this age once. Enjoy!
 
Quick update:

She's b̶e̶e̶n̶ k̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶i̶v̶e one month old today!
GnXo9Xh.jpg
 
GRG55 said:
Reading through this thread, and comments like above, makes me wonder how the human race could possibly have survived over many thousands of years without all these experts?
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The experts were always there . They were called 'mom' and 'auntie'.
 
overdrive148 said:
Quick update:

She's b̶e̶e̶n̶ k̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶i̶v̶e one month old today!
GnXo9Xh.jpg
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What a cutie! And they always look so peaceful asleep. I could stand and just watch them sleep for way more time than I'd have ever believed.

Good on you both!
John
 
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