At some point a parent has just got to let them fail I guess

I had a graduate student fail to show up for his weekly meeting. I was pretty honked off about it until he staggered in a few hours later covered in ash claiming his car had burned up. As it turns out, Pontiac Fieros did have the bad habit of behavior like their moniker and his did burn up.
 
I'll always give somebody the benefit of the doubt until I hear why. But don't be chronically late. That just says 1)poor planning and 2)My time is more valuable than anybody else's.
 
Well I hope Thing 1 is making better choices :)
 
Had a girl roll in late to work one Sunday morning years ago. Claimed she was late due to the DT -> ST time change. My boss had mentioned that, and I was like that's an odd excuse since it's fall. He looks at me funny, I said, well if she forgot to change her clocks she'd have been here an hour ago. Fired her on the spot. Said if she would have just said she was out partying and overslept, she'd have a job, but don't lie about it.
 
I was late my first day to a job. There was a big crash on the highway, it turned a 45 minute drive into a 90 minute one.

18 years later, I'm still here.
 
I went to a job interview once. Showed up about 25 minutes early since I had driven 180 miles to be there.

Sat in the waiting room for 3 hours. I would have left after the first hour but I wanted this job. Finally at noon I saw several people walking out from the back. One of the guys noticed me and walked over. He caught me up on the situation. Seems the owner of the business had closed the company and liquidated all the assets. Everyone in the company was now out of a job.

No one even noticed I was early.
 
I feel very lucky to have a job with no set start time. I could show up at 6 am or at 10 am if I feel like it. I usually aim for the middle.
 
On the other hand, kids' punctuality can surprise you. I usually head to the gym at 5:30 am. Yesterday, my 13 year old daughter asks me how crowded it is then because she'd like to check things out and doesn't want a lot of people around. I tell her its a great time to go, but she needs to set her alarm because I'm not waking her up (thinking the whole time that there is no f-ing way she's going to get up that early during her summer). Well, guess what, at 5:15am she comes downstairs all dressed to work out! Granted, when we came home from the gym, I went to work and she went back to bed! :D
 
I feel very lucky to have a job with no set start time. I could show up at 6 am or at 10 am if I feel like it. I usually aim for the middle.

That's certainly nice, but it depends on the work environment. At some companies you basically work independently and don't need to be around others much. Then on the polar opposite side you've got assembly lines where if one person is missing from the line the whole operation stops. In the middle you've got jobs like mine where we have core hours when we're supposed to be around and in the office, but realistically there's decent flexibility in terms of needing to take an hour here or there. Really happy to have the sort of flexibility I have with my job. Ultimately once the kids get to be school age you have a schedule/routine anyway you have to follow.
 
I had a staffer show up a half hour late on her first day. I was not impressed, but I gave her a pass when I learned her car got rear ended when she was turning into our parking lot. Fortunately for me. She turned out to be a rock star.

Yeah, but it wasn’t nice of you to paint that little car symbol below your window sill on your truck after that. :)
 
I’ll tolerate five minutes early because some people think it’s a good thing. I really don’t tolerate fifteen minutes early. I consider that disrespectful...if I wanted someone to show up fifteen minutes early that’s when I would have scheduled the meeting.

Personally, for any meeting, I aim to walk in the door not a second before the arranged time but not 30 seconds after either. It’s not hard.

There is a saying, “if you’re on time, you’re late.” It’s true. If the meeting is at 10am and that’s when everyone shows up (within 30 seconds, assuming everyone’s watches are synchronized), the meeting start is already late.

If you travel to meetings for a living and don’t plan to be early, you will be late. There are too many things that you cannot control. If your meeting involves a presentation or requires onsite preparation, you *must* be early for the meeting to start on time. Being early might be annoying, but making a room full of people wait while you set up or work through technical issues is disrespectful because you’re wasting everyone’s time. Show up early and nobody’s time is wasted except perhaps your own.

I would agree that an early arrival with the expectation of an early start is disrespectful, but the former does not necessarily imply the latter. Penalizing someone for simply arriving 15 minutes early is unreasonable.

Also disrespectful, in my opinion: holding a group meeting with no published agenda, and permitting the meeting to run over the allotted time. The latter is unfortunately very common, and often a result of a late start and lack of agenda.
 
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I assume that Thing 2 is a 20-something, in which case she very well could pull off an all-night drive and impressive first day of work the next day. Add 20+ years, perhaps not so doable.
 
Yes yes yes a thousand times yes. Nothing irritates me more than the person calling the meeting having nothing to say or no specific reason for a meeting.

I've gotten much less tolerant of this as time goes by...
 
My Former CEO "On time is late. Early is on time"

We were bought out 2 months ago

My New CEO "Bryan, I notice you are 5 min early to every meeting. I like seeing that. I hope it rubs off on some of my folks when we bring them over"

I strive to be right at 5 minutes early to anything work related. Especially as the IT guy I can't tell you how many times I have gotten to a meeting only to have to figure out how to get someones computer to attach to the projector, etc. Wiggle room is your friend.
 
I was thinking about some of the things I'd done schedule wise when I was a college-aged kid. Ahh, memories.

I managed to develop a knack for marathons. Not the running kind, I'm way too lazy for that, but the driving kind and somehow things almost always worked out. It was pretty common for me to leave after class on a Friday, drive 1,500-2,500 miles, get back to my apartment on Sunday evening, and show up for class on Monday. I transported cars around the country to earn money, had a girlfriend who went to school 750 miles away (home was also 750 miles away), and bought cars in questionable condition from far away as well. A couple of times it bit me, arriving somewhere between 5-6 AM for class and then missing one (or missing the morning) when one of the cars I bought in questionable condition gave me issues on the drive back. But that happened surprisingly infrequently. Mostly I got to where I was going between midnight and 2 AM, which left me tired for class but still got there on time.

One time comes to mind where I really pushed things too hard. It was the week that I was graduating college, and a lot of bad things just came together at once, combined with poor planning and scheduling. I was in Terre Haute, IN with a friend's car (a LaForza - Google that one) that I had fixed. Had to take it to him in Madison, pick up my Lincoln Town Car, drive it back to Indiana. Then finish packing all my stuff from my apartment into the same friend's trailer which I was borrowing, and take it back home to NYC. On the way, drop off a Jaguar that I'd sold in Indianapolis, then continue on to New York via Princeton, NJ (where my girlfriend at the time was). Drop off stuff, then turn around and drive back to Madison, WI, because part of the deal with the trailer was I let the same friend borrow my truck and trailer so that he could move to Vegas (that story gets even more complicated), so that I could catch my flight back to New York so that I could get the Town Car, load up my mom and girlfriend, drive out to Terre Haute for my college graduation, then drive to southwestern VA for a cousin's wedding, and back to New York.

I had picked up a "friend" (after that trip he was no longer a friend) in Urbana IL on the way up to Madison the first time around with the hope that he would do some of the driving, but he was "too scared" to drive my 3/4 ton truck towing this 28' tri-axle enclosed trailer behind it. In the end the one useful thing he did on the entire trip was drive my Lincoln Town Car from Terre Haute to Indianapolis where I swapped out the Jaguar in the back for the Town Car. So instead of being able to trade off and take naps, the end result was about 42 hours of driving in a 48 hour period to catch my flight on time with not much more than a 30 minute cat nap at one point and around 5 hours of sleep at another. Driving through Illinois back to Madison I ended up surrounded by tornadoes and learned that a Cummins powered Ram 2500 will get 5 MPG towing a 28' enclosed trailer at 98 MPH. And somewhere along the line I had to stop to buy flowers, because my friend had just had a baby, and so the group of us (we were all Jaguar nuts) had nominated me to deliver the baby gifts. I also had to give my friend who was borrowing my truck a crash course in towing a 28' enclosed trailer with a crew cab long bed truck, neither of which he'd ever tried to do before and he mostly drove small import things. He made the move to Vegas without incident, although way overloaded the trailer and blew out 3 tires.

Upon getting to the Madison, WI airport I went to the bar across from my gate, got a glass of wine, and the bartender was friendly and could tell it'd been a rough few days so he gave me a free "top-off" after I got about 3/4 of the way through, which was much appreciated.

My flight home included a short hop in some regional thing (I wasn't into planes at the time, but I think it was a Dash 8) and then a flight from Chicago back home. As soon as I got into my seat on the plane I fell asleep, and upon landing in Chicago I woke up somewhere around the plane being half emptied, and then couldn't physically make my body move for 5 minutes, my veins feeling like acid was running through them. I was the last one off the plane, and very slow doing it, but I had enough time to make my connection that day so it wasn't an issue.

Just thinking about it makes me exhausted over 12 years later. But I did learn some things about pushing myself. 1) That I was able to do that level of insanity and 2) That I never, ever, wanted to do insanity to that level again.

Whenever people tell me I do long trips, I think back to that and think "No, THAT was a long trip..." I don't push nearly so hard anymore, even though I've had my share of long trips since. When I see people my age and older who do, they're always set up to fail, and they usually do.

My mom fostered an environment of secrecy and she knew very little about what I did in those days - so ultimately she never gave me any lectures on pushing things too far, but she also is the laziest person I've ever known, so she didn't have much to say that was meaningful or relevant. However as my grandfather would've said, I've earned a PhD (or two) from the School of Hard Knocks. His PhD I believe was from UIUC, or Columbia, maybe both... I forget. He valued the PhDs from the School of Hard Knocks I think just as much, though, maybe more.

So, point being, Tim, your daughter will hopefully learn something like I did and at least earn her masters from my Alma Mater. At least she had her boyfriend to (hopefully be useful) on the drive.
 
Tim, if it all goes south, blame the boyfriend. He’s not really good enough for her anyway, right? :)
 
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Went with a group of friends to NYC for an event. They wanted to drive back afterwards all night so they could be at work Monday morning. I volunteered to do the driving because 1) I do NOT fall asleep in cars ever and 2) I didn't have to be at work Monday morning. So I drove all night. Got out of the car and fell asleep standing up.

Now I had done my fair share of all nighters and other college craziness. But 30 years later, well...

Mrs. Steingar drove us home, and I slept very well that night. The next morning I went into work, and realized that I could do exactly nothing. I was reading with zero comprehension, and couldn't perform any kind scholarly function. That drive took me out for two days. Tried it once more another year (with someone else driving) and got sicks as a dog.
 
Went with a group of friends to NYC for an event. They wanted to drive back afterwards all night so they could be at work Monday morning. I volunteered to do the driving because 1) I do NOT fall asleep in cars ever and 2) I didn't have to be at work Monday morning. So I drove all night. Got out of the car and fell asleep standing up.

Now I had done my fair share of all nighters and other college craziness. But 30 years later, well...

Mrs. Steingar drove us home, and I slept very well that night. The next morning I went into work, and realized that I could do exactly nothing. I was reading with zero comprehension, and couldn't perform any kind scholarly function. That drive took me out for two days. Tried it once more another year (with someone else driving) and got sicks as a dog.

I did several all nighters and more debugging code in my career, In my 20's a good nights sleep and I was ready to do it all again. In my 40's it took 3 days or so to recover. The last time I did something like that was in my early 50's and it took a week. I figured I'd better REALLY need to work that long before I'd do it again.

John
 
Ok, yes my 22 year old daughter made it and is still on her training flights. She will text me when she's done. I know it was Dallas Love Field to somewhere else in Texas that started with a C, then back to Dallas then back to C, then back to Dallas then to Midland for an overnight.
 
Ok, yes my 22 year old daughter made it and is still on her training flights. She will text me when she's done. I know it was Dallas Love Field to somewhere else in Texas that started with a C, then back to Dallas then back to C, then back to Dallas then to Midland for an overnight.


Corpus Christi, perhaps?

Glad it worked out okay, but I still say you should blame the boyfriend.
 
Corpus Christi, perhaps?

Glad it worked out okay, but I still say you should blame the boyfriend.


It is actually McAllen Texas. The "starts with a C" thing was second hand information. And she is overnighting in McAllen tonight. I just got off the phone with her and she hates it. This "working 16 hours a day and only 3 flight hours for only $48 is bull**it." Her words, not mine. Mine were "give it a chance before you decide to hate it. Meet new people, fly different routes, etc." And I did tell her that I told her so about leaving Nashville so late, getting into Dallas at 1 am and getting up early for a flight isn't the smartest thing to do. She admitted she made a mistake and that her day tomorrow starts at 5am and she ends up in Dallas tomorrow night.
 
So my daughter (Thing 2 the newly scarved* flight attendant) has her first training flight tomorrow morning out of Dallas. She is in Nashville about to leave with her boyfriend for the drive to Dallas. I texted her and asked her status - "about to leave Nashville" I asked how long is the drive. She replied nine and a half hours. I thought about it, counted to ten and back and then simply texted "way to cut it close."

What I didn't say was: "Listen you moron, the world doesn't stop for you. If you miss your first flight because you waited until the last minute to leave Nashville, you may get fired and I wouldn't blame them for doing so. All your life, I've always told you to "make good choices" every time you left the house and if you remember, the last time I saw you before you left, I told you again to make good choices. Well honey, this time you didn't. You should have already been there maybe eating a nice dinner, seeing some sights and most of all, getting a good night's sleep before your first day on the job. Instead, you will be dragging arse into town late this evening (if everything goes well on the drive) and be tired as hell when you arrive for work. What you didn't account for was car trouble, accidents on the road and anything else that is out of your control on your nine and a half hour drive. I hope you make it and I hope you're well rested enough to make a good first impression on your first flight.

Dad


*scarved because although she has her wings, they aren't allowed to wear them until after their training flights so she only has her scarf and her ID as proof she is a flight attendant.

vent over

I would have said that.
 
Some of you must have never experienced back-to-back-to-back conference calls and meetings. Can’t be on time to one without leaving the other one early. Once you have a decent reputation, folks give you some leeway. If they don’t, they typically don’t survive long.
 
In my opinion, if you are still trying to parent someone in their 20’s, It’s too late. It has been my experience that I’m done with the hard parenting somewhere late adolescence or early teens. Past that you just try to be the fence that keeps them from running off the cliff because they are already who they are going to be. I think your daughter is going to be fine. I think you have done a good job. Yes, let her succeed or fail on her on, your job as “parent” is done, just be dad now.
 
Ok, yes my 22 year old daughter made it and is still on her training flights. She will text me when she's done. I know it was Dallas Love Field to somewhere else in Texas that started with a C, then back to Dallas then back to C, then back to Dallas then to Midland for an overnight.

There is approximately 147 towns with a population of more than 3 that start with the letter C in Texas. I doubt that she is going to Cactus, Tx, pop. 3, so only 146 more towns to guess..!! :lol::lol:
 
I don’t know what’s stressful about knowing how long something takes and operating around that knowledge.

Someone that shows up too early is just as frustrating to me as someone who shows up late.

First thing I pay attention to in a job interview is what time they walk in the door. I like to see precision to within 30 seconds or so.

I’ll tolerate five minutes early because some people think it’s a good thing. I really don’t tolerate fifteen minutes early. I consider that disrespectful...if I wanted someone to show up fifteen minutes early that’s when I would have scheduled the meeting.

Personally, for any meeting, I aim to walk in the door not a second before the arranged time but not 30 seconds after either. It’s not hard.
 

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My wife and I are often musing on our very loving, intelligent, well meaning parents and the oh so unhelpful advice they would bombard us with in our early adulthood. I think because they raised us they still looked at us like children they had to sheppard through every little thing out of fear we'd mess everything up somehow. What often ended up happening is they'd pick and pick at us driving us nuts about some trivial thing while we were trying to focus on what we actually needed to get taken care of. I solved it within a month or two of moving out of the house- this was still before everyone had a cell phone so I just quit answering the daily phone calls. I'd call back eventually when I wasn't busy so he wouldn't call the police to check on me. I'd say I was busy and leave it there. After a couple months of this something changed, my father started treating me like an adult and our relationship got a lot better. I actually wanted to talk to him again. I think he just had to realize I was capable of taking care of myself without his constant input. My wife still has the issue with her mother, fortunately they live hours away and have other kids to bother.
 
Well, they outlawed indentured servitude but the airlines never got the word. They only pay for training flights because federal law will get them if they don't. They would call it an internship at zero pay if they could. Being cabin crew for a major has its perks. Pay is not one of those. Eventually seniority will improve the paycheck - eventually - unless starvation sets in first.
 
It is actually McAllen Texas. The "starts with a C" thing was second hand information. And she is overnighting in McAllen tonight. I just got off the phone with her and she hates it. This "working 16 hours a day and only 3 flight hours for only $48 is bull**it." Her words, not mine. Mine were "give it a chance before you decide to hate it. Meet new people, fly different routes, etc." And I did tell her that I told her so about leaving Nashville so late, getting into Dallas at 1 am and getting up early for a flight isn't the smartest thing to do. She admitted she made a mistake and that her day tomorrow starts at 5am and she ends up in Dallas tomorrow night.

Wow she only made $48? That does suck. Millennials demand better wages! Woot woot
 
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