Marriage Checklist for Pilots

Cogito

Cogito

Pre-takeoff checklist
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Mar 17, 2013
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Cogito
My fiancé sent me a list of “13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married.” It’s a standard list: Children, Exes, Religion, Debt, Expenses, etc. to head off any gotchas before it’s difficult to turn back. I said I’d read over and discuss but I that didn’t see any aviation questions. Her reply was, consider it a Pre-Flight Marriage Checklist. That got us thinking, what would be on a pilot’s pre-marriage checklist. Ideas?

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/03/23/fashion/weddings/marriage-questions.html
 
CFII? A&P? Aircraft owner? Pro pilot? Tall blond?

Check, check, check, check, and check....so I married her!! Life is good! :)

Jim
 
Cogito said:
Children, Exes, Religion, Debt, Expenses, etc. to head off any gotchas before it’s difficult to turn back.
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All of those things should be well discussed and agreed upon long before now, shouldn’t they? Giving you a checklist for such topics seems silly to me.

luvflyin said:
Number one on my list. If she gives you a checklist, run
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Yeah no kidding.
 
Ryanb said:
All of those things should be well discussed and agreed upon long before now, shouldn’t they? Giving you a checklist for such topics seems silly to me.
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Hmmm. I think a checklist is a review for things I already know to make sure I didn't miss something by mistake or distraction.
 
Cogito said:
My fiancé sent me a list of “13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married.” It’s a standard list: Children, Exes, Religion, Debt, Expenses, etc. to head off any gotchas before it’s difficult to turn back. I said I’d read over and discuss but I that didn’t see any aviation questions. Her reply was, consider it a Pre-Flight Marriage Checklist. That got us thinking, what would be on a pilot’s pre-marriage checklist. Ideas?

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/03/23/fashion/weddings/marriage-questions.html
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If you don't know the answers to these questions yet, you should probably put another year or three between yourself and a wedding date.
 
Justin M said:
Hmmm. I think a checklist is a review for things I already know to make sure I didn't miss something by mistake or distraction.
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If I have to use a checklist to get to know my spouse, there’s an issue at hand.

Just my 2c
 
So she accepted you marriage proposal without already knowing the items on that list? Call it off ASAP.
 
I’m fortunate to have a wife that is gorgeous, a good cook, and that has spoiled me since before we got married 43 years ago. She also happens to love traveling in small planes.

She told me to buy a plane to get my license in so we could take trips, told me to get my IFR so we didn’t get stuck by a marine layer so often, then told me that we needed to get a faster plane than the 172 we started with so we could go further on our trips.

I got lucky

Gary
 
Jim Rosenow said:
CFII? A&P? Aircraft owner? Pro pilot? Tall blond?

Check, check, check, check, and check....so I married her!! Life is good! :)

Jim
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Every guy's dream...being a kept man. :D :thumbsup:
 
Add to checklist: Don't forget wedding clothes.

Like I did and had to make a mad monster drive back home to pick up the clothes.

Also remind preacher the morning of the wedding that he is doing a wedding today.....
 
Ryanb said:
All of those things should be well discussed and agreed upon long before now, shouldn’t they? Giving you a checklist for such topics seems silly to me.
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This is why 50% of all marriages end in engine failure. If you don’t know a lot more than 13 things about the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with then you won’t make it past “Line up and wait.”
 
Lachlan said:
This is why 50% of all marriages end in engine failure. If you don’t know a lot more than 13 things about the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with then you won’t make it past “Line up and wait.”
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What’s really sad is when the engine failure happens after there’s kids added to the mix.

I know a guy who was born and raised here in the states and lived here his whole life but ended up meeting an Australian girl that came over for college. The two fell in love and tied the knot without even thinking that eventually she would want to go back to Australia. They lived in Georgia for the first few years of their marriage, added a few off spring and now she told him she was ready to move back to Australia. He quits his job and leaves everything he knows including his family and moves to Australia with the wife and two kids. Talk about culture shock!

This was something we saw coming for awhile, but he was too star struck to think about the reality of it. She wears the pants in the family so she got what she wanted. Hope it works for him—that’s all I have to say. I guess a pre-marital checklist would’ve been beneficial in this situation.
 
Ryanb said:
He quits his job and leaves everything he knows including his family and moves to Australia with the wife and two kids. Talk about culture shock!
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Does the PIC sit in the right seat of the plane in Australia..??
 
Where’s the “this thread is useless without pics” sign when you need it?
 
Lachlan said:
This is why 50% of all marriages end in engine failure. If you don’t know a lot more than 13 things about the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with then you won’t make it past “Line up and wait.”
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Look at it this way. Half of all marriages end in divorce. The other half end in death.

There’s just no such thing as a happy outcome.
 
Margy was already a pilot and co-owner of the Navion for three years before we got married.
 
Ryanb said:
What’s really sad is when the engine failure happens after there’s kids added to the mix.

I know a guy who was born and raised here in the states and lived here his whole life but ended up meeting an Australian girl that came over for college. The two fell in love and tied the knot without even thinking that eventually she would want to go back to Australia. They lived in Georgia for the first few years of their marriage, added a few off spring and now she told him she was ready to move back to Australia. He quits his job and leaves everything he knows including his family and moves to Australia with the wife and two kids. Talk about culture shock!

This was something we saw coming for awhile, but he was too star struck to think about the reality of it. She wears the pants in the family so she got what she wanted. Hope it works for him—that’s all I have to say. I guess a pre-marital checklist would’ve been beneficial in this situation.
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You didn’t say he’s complaining. If he’s happy, what’s the problem?
 
In a word: DON"T GET MARRIED!! that was 3.. sorry...
 
Half Fast said:
You didn’t say he’s complaining. If he’s happy, what’s the problem?
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He isn’t happy, that’s the problem. He’s pretty much made it clear that he wasn’t wanting to move down under and leave his family and everything else he knows here in the states.
 
Ryanb said:
He isn’t happy, that’s the problem. He’s pretty much made it clear that he wasn’t wanting to move down under and leave his family and everything else he knows here in the states.
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Then I guess he needs to learn to be happy.

He made the decision to marry her. Might as well learn to enjoy the situation. Not such a terrible thing to see new places and meet new people and learn new ways.
 
Lachlan said:
This is why 50% of all marriages end in engine failure. If you don’t know a lot more than 13 things about the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with then you won’t make it past “Line up and wait.”
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Well if you have to line up and wait, you probably don’t want to marry her anyway.
 
Ryanb said:
He isn’t happy, that’s the problem. He’s pretty much made it clear that he wasn’t wanting to move down under and leave his family and everything else he knows here in the states.
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He’s not leaving his family. He’s going with them to Australia. His wife and kids are his main family. Parents and siblings are just extended family and take backseat at best once you are married. If he doesn’t look at it that way, he’s the one in the wrong. Sounds like he had an expectation that she would give up her extended family and didn’t even consider that she might want to move back there. But she was also in the wrong for not making that fact clear early on. Then again, maybe she mentioned it and it never sank in with him. Who knows?

Before I married my wife who was over here from China on a student visa, we discussed this issue. I told her I was willing to live in China for a few years after we first got married but that I wanted to return to live permanently in the USA. I also told her we could try to visit China together every 2-3 years but that she could go back more often if she wanted. She told me that she had no desire to live in China again and that she’d be happy to just visit every few years. In the subsequent 16 years of marriage, we have gone over together just three times and she has gone by herself just two other times. Typical visit is just two weeks. Her parents have also visited us in the US twice. She is happy with things the way they are. So am I, though I would have liked to have tried to live over there for a short while. And once I retire if she changes her mind about living there, I’d probably still be willing to give it a go. She’s my family.
 
SkyDog58 said:
He’s not leaving his family. He’s going with them to Australia. His wife and kids are his main family. Parents and siblings are just extended family and take backseat at best once you are married. If he doesn’t look at it that way, he’s the one in the wrong. Sounds like he had an expectation that she would give up her extended family and didn’t even consider that she might want to move back there. But she was also in the wrong for not making that fact clear early on. Then again, maybe she mentioned it and it never sank in with him. Who knows?

Before I married my wife who was over here from China on a student visa, we discussed this issue. I told her I was willing to live in China for a few years after we first got married but that I wanted to return to live permanently in the USA. I also told her we could try to visit China together every 2-3 years but that she could go back more often if she wanted. She told me that she had no desire to live in China again and that she’d be happy to just visit every few years. In the subsequent 16 years of marriage, we have gone over together just three times and she has gone by herself just two other times. Typical visit is just two weeks. Her parents have also visited us in the US twice. She is happy with things the way they are. So am I, though I would have liked to have tried to live over there for a short while. And once I retire if she changes her mind about living there, I’d probably still be willing to give it a go. She’s my family.
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Right. It sounds like you and your wife discussed things well ahead of time—the right way. I don’t know all of the details, because I’m not in his situation of course, but from what he’s said and suggested, was that they clearly didn’t think things through. I feel bad for him, but yet I don’t really feel bad for him.
 
Would you liquidate 50% of your assets go to Vegas and bet it on red or black?
 
EdFred said:
Would you liquidate 50% of your assets go to Vegas and bet it on red or black?
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No. I've never been to Las Vegas and have zero interest in ever going. That said, if you actually like the person you marry, and get to know them BEFORE you decide they're the one for you, it's not a gamble at all. It's a sure thing, as sure as the sun coming up, water being wet, and paying taxes. Rush into marriage "just because" and you'll get a surprise. Think that the other person is almost perfect, but once they change a little bit you'll have the perfect partner, well, there's another surprise. My parents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary on June 22nd, and they are as happy now as they've ever been. They may have wanted to run away from the 5 of us kids at times, but they would have surely done that together, too. Marriage is for adults, not juveniles that don't know what they're doing. My two best buddies growing up have both been married and divorced, (one of them divorced twice!) and they always ask me how I do it. I just refer to my wife and ask them how hard they think it is for us, and they always tell me I've got it soooooooo easy, I don't know what it's like, etc, and I just laugh. I told them both, long before they proposed, that their mates weren't the right ones for them. Funny, the two divorced buddies told each other that about their exes, too. Don't act like a jack knife and you'll have a happy marriage. It's bigger than both of you; it's something that you're a part of, a deal that you made. Why make a deal you don't intend to keep? Why make a deal with someone you don't trust? Be smart, be honest, and be committed. It's that easy. My wife is my absolute, number one, second to none, best friend. Why in God's name would I EVER want to hurt her for any reason? Sadly, that's NOT as common a situation as it should be. It's only about half.
 
SkyDog58 said:
He’s not leaving his family. He’s going with them to Australia. His wife and kids are his main family. Parents and siblings are just extended family and take backseat at best once you are married. If he doesn’t look at it that way, he’s the one in the wrong. Sounds like he had an expectation that she would give up her extended family and didn’t even consider that she might want to move back there. But she was also in the wrong for not making that fact clear early on. Then again, maybe she mentioned it and it never sank in with him. Who knows?

Before I married my wife who was over here from China on a student visa, we discussed this issue. I told her I was willing to live in China for a few years after we first got married but that I wanted to return to live permanently in the USA. I also told her we could try to visit China together every 2-3 years but that she could go back more often if she wanted. She told me that she had no desire to live in China again and that she’d be happy to just visit every few years. In the subsequent 16 years of marriage, we have gone over together just three times and she has gone by herself just two other times. Typical visit is just two weeks. Her parents have also visited us in the US twice. She is happy with things the way they are. So am I, though I would have liked to have tried to live over there for a short while. And once I retire if she changes her mind about living there, I’d probably still be willing to give it a go. She’s my family.
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Kudos to you for communication! I often cringe when people don't talk about the major things before getting married. I guess today's folks are too busy on their Cell Phones to have a real conversation. My wife and I talked about pretty much everything when we were just dating! Those things listed you should know at the DATING level. We even talked about what we would do if one of us died. I noticed my friends from China had bad experiences while being raised there and they don't want to go back. I never got into detail about it but our friendship is solid enough to have a conversation like that.
 
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