N/A How many children are enough?

Paulie said:
I come from a family with 4 kids and my mom didn't work. I remember saying to my dad that he'd be set financially if he didn't have a family to support, he got a wistful look in is eyes. Or maybe he was trying to figure out how to get away with murder.
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Same here....One down and graduated from college....and three to go. ;)
 
I am the youngest of ten. I lost track of how many kids, grandkids, etc. my siblings have produced...but it's a whole frukin' bunch. I don't think 100 would be much of an exaggeration if any.

Considering the condition of today's world, I decided I owed it to that world to not add to the Winters version of idiocracy.

I also wouldn't want to impose today's world on any kid of mine.
 
timwinters said:
I am the youngest of ten. I lost track of how many kids, grandkids, etc. my siblings have produced...but it's a whole frukin' bunch. I don't think 100 would be much of an exaggeration if any.

Considering the condition of today's world, I decided I owed it to that world to not add to the Winters version of idiocracy.

I also wouldn't want to impose today's world on any kid of mine.
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thank you for your service.....and willing to end that gene pool. :D
 
I grew up with a older brother and the wife has a sister. Both are not very good people and after many bad experiences and fights, we are no longer talking with either. It really is a sad situation but toxic people exist. Siblings are not always a plus. We are at the point were we understand we will see them only at a funeral, with the knowledge of a legal fight over any inheritance. Been there, done that with one parent's inheritance.

We have one daughter. I feel bad she wont get that close bond with a sibling, but I know many "onlys" in my professional life that are well adjusted and happy. I am extremely happy mine is healthy and happy. The pregnancy was rough on the wife physically, and no one wants to tempt fate a second time. We just make sure she has our attention and we try to give her lots of social time with kids her age.

There is no correct answer. Ours was kinda made for us by the crapfest of our siblings and the health issues of the pregnancy, so we are ok with the results. My boss has 7 kids. All healthy, well behaved and so far on the right track. But I sure dont want his food or utility bills, nor his nanny that he had to hire and pay (even though she is smoking hot),or the 3 cars he bought for the oldest ones.
 
Two was enough for me ,coming from a family of four kids.
 
An old farmer friend of mine said "you ought to replace yourselves".
I couldn't poke any holes in his idea; any less and the population shrinks; any more and it grows.
 
timwinters said:
I am the youngest of ten. I lost track of how many kids, grandkids, etc. my siblings have produced...but it's a whole frukin' bunch. I don't think 100 would be much of an exaggeration if any.

Considering the condition of today's world, I decided I owed it to that world to not add to the Winters version of idiocracy.

I also wouldn't want to impose today's world on any kid of mine.
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Wow. I am third out of seven and I thought that was way too many. My six siblings have combined for 13 kids and 10 grandkids so far but six of the kids haven’t began procreating yet but are at that age or close to it. Family get togethers that used to be enjoyable are now a nightmare due to the sheer size of the family. That’s one big reason why I’m glad I moved away.
 
I didn't particularly want kids until my first wife got uterine cancer and we couldn't have any. Had my son 2 years at the age of 38 after the end of the first marriage, and I love that little guy with every fiber of my being. Got snipped because wife 2 didn't want any more kids. Divorced wife #2, now girlfriend (almost 40) wants another kid.... Have another one, make the wife happy.
 
The point about replacing yourselves isn't strictly true, the population can still shrink or grow significantly depending on the average age at which we "replace ourselves" and how long we're living.

Actuarial pedantry aside, I have an only. Would have (well, did, but unsuccessfully) given a great deal for another. However, I never feel anything but gratitude that I have a wonderful, healthy child. I will say that you are never quite as in control of this decision as you may think. Multiples, accidents, complications, infertility... You adapt to whatever you wind up with.

Obviously the life of an only is going to be different. I suspect mine "misses" the built-in playmates (and rivals), but she enjoys a lot of adult attention instead. And her college fund will be fuller in 15 years' time than if we had half a dozen! I don't think it's a huge factor in children's happiness or adjustment, and the OP sounds like a great parent. I don't know any parent who thinks "yay parenting!" every morning.

With no disrespect intended to the happily child-free, the drive to raise a family feels rather more fundamental to life satisfaction for many (not all!) people than the desire to have a rewarding hobby.
 
tiger said:
The point about replacing yourselves isn't strictly true, the population can still shrink or grow significantly depending on the average age at which we "replace ourselves" and how long we're living.

Actuarial pedantry aside, I have an only. Would have (well, did, but unsuccessfully) given a great deal for another. However, I never feel anything but gratitude that I have a wonderful, healthy child. I will say that you are never quite as in control of this decision as you may think. Multiples, accidents, complications, infertility... You adapt to whatever you wind up with.

Obviously the life of an only is going to be different. I suspect mine "misses" the built-in playmates (and rivals), but she enjoys a lot of adult attention instead. And her college fund will be fuller in 15 years' time than if we had half a dozen! I don't think it's a huge factor in children's happiness or adjustment, and the OP sounds like a great parent. I don't know any parent who thinks "yay parenting!" every morning.

With no disrespect intended to the happily child-free, the drive to raise a family feels rather more fundamental to life satisfaction for many (not all!) people than the desire to have a rewarding hobby.
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Great post Tiger, lots of truth there, nothing wrong with an only. And unless something happened to prevent it, you never know if an only will become a "not only". I know someone who was told his son would be an only, now that son has a brother.
 
Two words for the guys who don’t want any more kids but have a wife that does.



Snip Snip
 
My wife and I don't have ANY kids, but possible in the future. I love children and I would love to have a son. If it happens...good if not...good too, I will make the best out of any situation, I won't get sad over things I cannot control.

To those who said: "If I have kids I will never be lonely" You never know how your life is going to turn out so enjoy everyday you are given. I work building Computer Networks all across the United States at Assisted living facilities. Those facilities are growing big because the children put the parents there. Don't have the time or patience to take care of the parents after taking care of them. Which is sad!
 
FloridaPilot said:
***** Snipped ****** Those facilities are growing big because the children put the parents there. Don't have the time or patience to take care of the parents after taking care of them. Which is sad!
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It must be nice to know it all, ignorance is bliss.
 
tiger said:
With no disrespect intended to the happily child-free, the drive to raise a family feels rather more fundamental to life satisfaction for many (not all!) people than the desire to have a rewarding hobby.
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Play your cards right and you can do both...and possibly enrich your children's lives (and yours!) by exposing them to that hobby.
 
FloridaPilot said:
My wife and I don't have ANY kids, but possible in the future. I love children and I would love to have a son. If it happens...good if not...good too, I will make the best out of any situation, I won't get sad over things I cannot control.

To those who said: "If I have kids I will never be lonely" You never know how your life is going to turn out so enjoy everyday you are given. I work building Computer Networks all across the United States at Assisted living facilities. Those facilities are growing big because the children put the parents there. Don't have the time or patience to take care of the parents after taking care of them. Which is sad!
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My mother lived in an ALF for a while. Her choice, not ours. At one point I suggested she come to live with us. Her response was "What would I want to do that for?" My mother was a very independent woman. She liked having a apartment where she could go and close her door and be left alone, she didn't want to be in a house with a couple of teenagers. Same was true with my in laws, they could have come live with us when they were no longer able to live in their own house, but they chose to move to an ALF. They didn't want to be in a house with two active children, and they preferred the company of others their own age. Plus, when they were no longer able to care for themselves 100%, the ALF is staffed 24/7 and was able to assist them when needed. How would my wife and I pull that off? Assisted living isn't sad, it's a practical solution for many situations.
 
Well, whatever you do, don't do what she did.

Back to the OP's original post, it doesn't say how old his son is. If he's more than 4 or 5, he probably wouldn't see the new arrival as a peer, and they may not be super close. Is it selfish of him to not want a second child? Not any more than his wife is being for asking for another when he didn't want any. We have two daughters who are 18 months apart. They've done their share of head butting, but they are really quite close. That's a good thing, because they don't have a lot of family. I have one sister who has never married and has no children, and my wife has one brother who has never married and has no children. They do have a couple of second cousins who they see yearly, but that's pretty much it. That's something to think of if you have an only child. My sister and I butted heads when we were kids, but now whenever one of us gets to visit the other, we have a great time. I realize that it doesn't always work out that way between siblings, but we all know how it works out if you have an only child. Still, there's not one blankt right answer that covers every situation.

As far as people thinking themselves selfish for not wanting children, it's not like the world is short of people, the only reason to start a family is that you want one.
 
All I know is that I sure was glad that I had a brother.

We rode bicycles and minbikes and motorcycles together.
We built things together.
We got in trouble together.
We talked about girls together.
We were more fun together.
I was always bigger than him, so when he picked at me, he learned I was patient.
When he wouldn't stop, he learned patience has a threshold.
He was more of a daredevil than I was. I learned to take a chance.
When he was too brave, I learned taking too much of a chance hurts.
We made each other tougher by rolling up newspapers into ball bats, and tying knots in one end of bath towels, and beating the crap out of each other and laughing for hours. It was more fun than you imagine.
We hunted together. We shot each other in the ass with BB guns.
We worked our tails off together with my dad bossing us around.
We stole my dads booze together.
He was the best man at my wedding.
We had families that now eat together.
Our kids now have kids that play together.
Recently my father passed away and we cried together.
His birthday is next week, and we'll have a beer, and talk about our dad, and old minibikes, and our stupid cousin.
I will always be thankful for him.
 
I've gone back and forth on the kids issue. I always thought I'd want some but now struggle with the idea. Kids 8ish and younger just push my rage button. For Christmas we had the wifes family over and being around the kids I lasted about 3 min before their excited screechy voices and questions got to me and I just went into my room and listened to music. So I'm not sure how i'd deal with my own, but years ago when I married my wife I thought i'd be cool with kids so /shrug.
 
Paulie said:
Perfect number of kids, zero. If you care anything about the planet the worse thing you could do is have a kid. I think 7 billion humans us enough.
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You know, that pesky overpopulation problem includes you. Thank you for not reproducing.
 
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One is fine as long as you equip it with a parachute. Many are more comfortable with two at night or when in the mountains.
 
I have 2 boys and that is plenty for me. They are good young men and I am very proud of them. Having 2 definitely double the work/cost, but if they are close in age it is not so bad. My vote is to to keep the wife happy and have another child. They will grow faster than you realize so enjoy them before they know everything.
 
My airplane, Cirrus SR20, was delivered the same day my 1st Daughter was born. Before kids, we traveled a lot, and I had multiple motorcycles and an awesome sports car.

Now I have 3 kids, no airplane and drive a Prius! My kids are 8,6, and 4. I will tell everyone that asks or listens. I HATE Babies. They suck, they are loads of work and zap the fun out of your life! Avoid this stage at all possible. Find a job that moves you away during this time. I didn’t do this, because I’m a sap and love my wife.

But, now that my boy is 4, he has turned the corner, and I couldn’t imagine life without my 3 insane kids. We don’t own any toys, as as a family, as we cannot decide on what one to own. We rent boats in the summer, and RV’s when we want. I put in a pool with a swim lane, and the kids love doing stay cations. And because of this, I know what house my kids will hangout at when they are older.

We just did a week at Disney in November and I’m looking at doing at 15 day train vacation. Because my son loves trains. We want to do the state parks out west.

As for my sports analogy:

1 kid = life changer, but, easy. 2 on 1 Defense.
2 kids = still easy, but, 1 on 1 defense. More time consuming than 1.
3 kids = 1 parent is 1 on 1, the other plays zone defense 1 on 2.

But, now that my oldest is 8, she’s super easy. She’s more about giving directions to and supervising vs doing stuff for.

As the kids get older who knows, as I’m not there yet.

IMO, ones Financial well-being, and place in life plays a direct role in parenting. For us, both my wife and I are retired. I’m 42, she is 38. So we have tons of time with the kids.

Another reason that I don’t have a plane is because I would require myself to get a job and I’m not sure it’s worth it. But, this is a very personal decision.
 
I have one child - my son is 11 years old now. The most miraculous event in my life, and I love him to my core. We didn’t have more because of finances. In hindsight, I should have had at least one more...maybe more. My child has been such an amazing joy (and no, it wasn’t easy) but I feel badly that he will be alone when my wife and I pass. I have a brother and sister, and my son has cousins that he’s close to. But not the same as having a sibling to do things with, build life experiences together, and a life-long person you can trust to talk through things with.

Diving into the financial aspect of things, watch “The Family Man” with Tea Leoni and Nicholas Cage. This resonated A LOT with me. Prior to marriage, I worked (then) in Management Consulting, had a string of sports cars including two Italians, one British, and lots of Mustangs and Audis (not necessarily at the same time). And I travelled and ate at nice restaurants. After a child, my wife got a SUV, I got an Altima, all the other cars went away, and I took a job that didn’t require travel. Now we’re stabilized into a nice SUV for the wife, a practical BMW 328d for me, and a light sport aircraft. It took time to get here... but I wouldn’t change a thing.
 
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Oh yeah, with 3 kids. Welcome to the minivan club. My wife fought as long as she could to get here. Now, it is are traveling machine. Roof rack with cargo pod, seats the whole family including grand parents and has lots of room for stuff.
 
If I may offer a slightly different take I was an unexpected child who came along ten years after my mom and dad thought the two they already had were enough. So much for convention; my parents took great care of me sometimes to the chagrin of my brother I was forced to share a bedroom with. There were times I thought he was jealous of the care my mom and dad fostered on me. Can't say I blame him for feeling that way but in retrospect I don't think my parents gave me any favors the other two did not get. Dad pushed me to follow his lead. He never graduated high school but through self study constantly improved himself through correspondence courses and eventually became one of the few who were not college educated to become a department head at General Motors Truck and Coach division.

He taught me many things but the most important was integrity. I was in the real estate business for a few years and closed the sale of one of his friends homes. When that man told his wife they were in good hands because I was 'Lisle's son' I realized I had a reputation to stand up to.

I have forever thanked my dad for imparting his values in me. I pray that I should never let him down. Thanks dad and mom for giving me life. I'm 78, and both of you have passed on to a better place. Gone; perhaps, but never forgotten. I am thankful to both of them.
 
The world has had enough population. It will be our end if we don't work hard at controlling pop
 
The population of India and China feel dehumanizing to me. I thank my lucky stars I'm able to enjoy the low population density of middle earth USA.
 
Gerhardt said:
She's right, you're wrong, end of story.

Seriously though, I laughed at your write up because that could have been me. I didn't want kids, she did, so we compromised and had one. I never looked back. A couple of years later she wanted another, and since having one was so much better than I ever thought it would be, sure, why not.

Emily is 19, Erich is 16, and I couldn't be happier. If you're enjoying one kid, I wouldn't hesitate to give your wife another.

With that said, there are some people who shouldn't be parents. You'll see them at Wal-Mart yelling at their kids, hitting them, making everyone's lives miserable. If you think that could be you - then yeah, don't do it. Otherwise, count this as a vote of encouragement.
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I propose licensing people before they have kids.

Childless by choice
 
ejensen said:
The world has had enough population. It will be our end if we don't work hard at controlling pop
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You not having a child will do exactly nothing to keep someone in the growth countries from having 8.

Educating women and rising wealth has been shown as the fastest way to control population growth.
 
I don't know if they still do but China had a one child policy. They should be enforcing that lest they overrun the world and Chinese become the universal language.
 
weilke said:
You not having a child will do exactly nothing to keep someone in the growth countries from having 8.

Educating women and rising wealth has been shown as the fastest way to control population growth.
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No, but it means there will only be 8 instead of 9 or more.
 
I also mentor children at various mentorship programs. There're a LOT of kids out there who need people that care so to all of the childless folks out there I would say get involved in your community. A lot of parents out there don't feel the same way about their children.
 
I’m 1 of 4 kids. I’ve always enjoyed a big family because there was always someone to hang out with or talk to. I’ll eventually want a big family as well.
 
Challenged said:
I'm going to use you guys as a free therapy session if you don't mind.

I've never wanted children. I immediately feel like I should apologize for that fact since I think that most people may find it difficult to understand, but it is what it is. I think a lot of people have this sort of internal yearning to have children that they hold inside of them, but for whatever reason I've never felt that way. Now that we've got that out of the way.

It took forever, but eventually I found a woman that's beautiful, caring and doesn't annoy me in any way, so we got married and it's been wonderful. Of course, she wanted children and I didn't so we compromised on that and we had a child. Being a parent is so much easier than I thought it would be ... said no parent ever.

I love my son. He's fun, bright, energetic and generally well behaved, but I do find parenting to be pretty exhausting. I don't want anyone to think that I don't love my child, because I do. We wrestle and I read him books at night and I cheer for him at his soccer matches and do all the things that dads should be doing. I take my responsibilities in life very seriously and taking care of my wife and my child are definitely a responsibility and I do my best at it even though I never felt like it was my calling.

So we're at a point now where I want to do fun things like buy a forever airplane and my wife is wanting another child. I feel like such a bad husband and person when I say that I don't want another child. I feel like I've already sacrificed to have one child as is. So when I look at this question I feel like I'm being selfish and at the same time I also feel like my wife is being selfish in asking me to have yet another child; it's a strange position to be in.

I do like the idea of another child in some aspects, when I think about the fact that it would be nice to have someone else to visit us when we get old or somewhere to fly to in the future to visit them and I know my wife finds raising children fulfilling. I do feel like having another child would expand those future days of enjoyment, but at the same time, there's only so much money and time to go around so I also feel like an additional child will put a damper on doing things that I might find enjoyable in the more present time. I'm generally a person who likes solitary projects of some sort, so even if I were to retire today I feel like I could constantly entertain myself with various projects and be perfectly content.

I do have some friends who only have a single child and they seem fine with it when I ask them about it, but I also have a family friend who had a single child that passed away as a teenager and her husband has since passed away as well and thinking about that sort of possibility punches me in the gut for my wife's future happiness.

I'm not sure I'm expecting any sort of magical resolution here, but I feel better just writing down my thoughts, so thanks for taking the time to listen to my complaints if you made it this far.

Anyone here have just a single child? Are you happy with that decision so far? Anyone a single child themselves? (thanks luvflyin)
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Challenged, I'm curious to know what you're thinking now after reading everyone else's threads. Did you talk this over with your wife before you were married and had your first child? Does your wife know that you feel like you made a sacrifice to have the first one?
 
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