Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body,as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then Asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "That would be my wife."
 
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Ole was hunting geese up in the North Dakota . He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak.

As luck would have it, his foolish dog knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 shot in the groin.

Several hours later, lying in a Minot hospital bed, he came to...and there was his doctor, Sven.

"Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da buckshot."

"Vat's da bad news?", asks Ole

"Da bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena ."

"Vell, I guess dat isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minot Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you vhere to put your fingers, so ya don't **** in your eye."
 
I feel guilty for laughing at these...
 
A wild eyed (and butt ugly) old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown Washington, DC waiving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out;
"I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber. I want to know who's been sleeping with my husband?"
A female voice from the back of the room called out,
"You Need More Ammo, Hillary!"
 
Problem Solving in a first marriage
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening after their honeymoon, he was working on his motorcycle in the garage, just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the workbench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke ---"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.
You probably should just consider selling your motorcycle along with your gun collection and all that stupid fishing gear.
Tom got a quizzical look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "For a minute there you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she shouted. "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
"Tom replied: "I wasn't.
 
Norman said:
Problem Solving in a first marriage
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening after their honeymoon, he was working on his motorcycle in the garage, just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the workbench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke ---"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.
You probably should just consider selling your motorcycle along with your gun collection and all that stupid fishing gear.
Tom got a quizzical look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "For a minute there you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she shouted. "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
"Tom replied: "I wasn't.
Click to expand...

Boom!
 
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