Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Timbeck2 said:
Took me a second, but me too.
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I don't see what the fuss is about. I mean I know EVERYONE doesn't have a gigantic trash can as part of their bedroom bondage set, but really, it isn't that huge.
 
Cowboy Bud

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.



The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"



Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"



The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."



"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.



Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"



The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"



"You're a Member of Congress ", says Bud.



"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"



"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”



“Now give me back my dog.”
 
CharlieD3 said:
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
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Cingular?
RAZR V3?
Palm Pilot?
 
Tarheelpilot said:
Would you explain it to me?
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It is Meghan Markle, wife of Prince Harry. Meghan just had a big thing with Oprah talking about how poorly the royal family treated her. Then Prince Philip died. So the joke is she gave Prince Philip a covid shot and now he's dead. One down....more to go....to get rid of or revenge on the Royal family.

Something like that.
 
NealRomeoGolf said:
It is Meghan Markle, wife of Prince Harry. Meghan just had a big thing with Oprah talking about how poorly the royal family treated her. Then Prince Philip died. So the joke is she gave Prince Philip a covid shot and now he's dead. One down....more to go....to get rid of or revenge on the Royal family.

Something like that.
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Thank you. I’m ashamed to admit I still had to google some stuff to understand the explanation…


Where’s my bourbon?
 
Tru dat
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The recent car accident involving Tiger Woods reminded me of this story.

Tiger was driving through the back country if the US in his new Buick Enclave and pulled in to an old filling station to refuel.

The station attendant and his buddy recognized him. After getting an autograph and discussing a bit of golf, conversation turned toward the car and how nice it was.

After a bit, the buddy asked about the colored wooden peg things in one of the cup holders.

“Those?” said Tiger. “I use those to rest my balls on when driving.”

After the bull was settled and Tiger had left, the buddy turned to the Attendant and said, “Nice feller. And those folk at GM thought of everything for male comfort”
 
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