Collected wisdom of a 100-hour pilot

I have been known to 'replace' a screw in the rudder fairing during preflight and not say anything, see if they say anything. Using the biggest screwdriver, of course, with dramatic oomph. Then takeoff and mumble "shoulda checked the other side..."

"What?"

"Oh nothin, we would have known by now." Then distract them with the after takeoff checks and fly on.

Really great footage if the cameras are on. Then edit the video and add a voice over track apologizing. Family is best to do this to since they trust me implicitly. Good times.
 
Three non typical things I do:

Passengers are briefed that checklists are normal, scared a friend when I was brand new, they thought I’d forgot how to do it and was “brushing up” on the basics before we took off!

My preflight checklist begins with; Preflight this plane like someone loves you”

I’ve added to my checklist the last thing I do before take off is recite (in my head with pax) “ WHEN Amy engine dies on THIS take off, I will yell “PUSH” and I will do so”... read a guy that lost a student a while after the student got his license, engine failure on take off, this instructor took pilots up and at altitude while climbing would cut power, he found it took an ever age of 5 seconds for most pilots to react properly.

On those landings maybe go get some TW instruction, honest, not sarcastic or cocky... it’ll really teach you finesse you can take back to the tricycle gear...
 
Passengers are briefed that checklists are normal, scared a friend when I was brand new, they thought I’d forgot how to do it and was “brushing up” on the basics before we took off!

My original CFI was a former airline pilot. Everything was done by checklist. That helps passengers understand the checklist thing.
 
My original CFI was a former airline pilot. Everything was done by checklist. That helps passengers understand the checklist thing.

Yup that’s basically what I say to, that even airline pilots follow a check list.
 
I have been known to 'replace' a screw in the rudder fairing during preflight and not say anything, see if they say anything. Using the biggest screwdriver, of course, with dramatic oomph. Then takeoff and mumble "shoulda checked the other side..."

One time I found a lug nut that had come off an 18 wheeler. I took it into the airport, and there was 5 or 6 of the medics sitting there. I took the lug nut out, looked at it and set it on the table. Of course someone asked me what it was.

"Looks like one of the propeller nuts came off again. I'll ask the mechanic if he can find which plane it came off of so he can replace it.''

And the questions came all at once..... Does that happen often.?? What happens if a nut falls off in flight.?? Does that really hold the propeller on.?? And so on.....:lol::lol:






And yes, I took them out to the fuel truck to show them were it really came from.
 
The fake-bolt thing reminds me of many people I've talked to that are scared of G.A.

Many of them start their tale with: I had an (uncle, cousin, friend) that took me up, and (showed me stalls, killed the engine, etc). I swore I'd never get in an airplane again.
 
You had me at "cinnamon-apple donuts at KJVL"
 
Unless you need the ballast, avoid carrying passengers. Other pilots are OK. Sometimes. PAX aren't real people, and not worth the time and attention. Unless you're single and trying to impress. Even then, it gets tiresome. Think about it: Almost any non-pilot you take up has, by definition, failed to do what's necessary to become a pilot. You really want to spend time in close GA quarters with low-life Philistines like that?

Plus, they throw up, scream a lot, ask asinine questions. I had one lose his mind because we flew in some rain. . ."Are we allowed to do this??? Is this OK? Is this safe?" Or, "It's getting dark - are you allowed to fly little planes in the dark?" . . "We're in a CLOUD - Oh God, what's going to happen, how do we get OUT????"

I told him I didn't know, as I had never done it before. . .

The ones that pray out loud are particularly irritating. . .the Catholics not so much - the Hail Mary's are kinda soothing - it's the ones that start making reformation promises and sobbing. . .bleech
 
The ones that pray out loud are particularly irritating. . .the Catholics not so much - the Hail Mary's are kinda soothing - it's the ones that start making reformation promises and sobbing. . .bleech

So this atheist pilot dies of old age. To his horror, he finds himself before the Pearly Gates. He's terrified that he's there to be judged before sent to the flames below. But to his amazement, St Peter comes out rolling a red carpet for him. An angel hands him a glass of a rare single-malt.

"Can't tell you how blessed I feel to meet you" says St. Peter.

"But I never believed, this ..." blurts the pilot.

"It doesn't matter" explains St Peter: "you've been flying for over 50 years. More than 500 friends, family members, and acquaintances came flying with you. And because of you, they got their faith back. They started praying from that right seat in your airplane. You've done better than the average Pope. Here're keys to a brand new SR22T for you. We've removed the CAPS. You don't need it around here".
 
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