Tell your TRUE story

mikea

mikea

Touchdown! Greaser!
Gone West
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
16,975
Location
Lake County, IL
Display Name
Display name:
iWin
Inspired by a red thread and a certain lurking former poster, I thought we should tell our true stories and stop being shy about it.



I haven't talked much about it since, but if Yeager had been in the habit of actually following orders like the rest of us did and hadn't dodged the doctor that day it would have be me that flew that profile in the X-1 to break Mach 1.0. As it was I flew chase. The S.O.B. never mentioned us in his book or the movie. That's what following the rules get you.

The General hisself called me into his office and apologized for the raw deal and assured me in no uncertain terms my contribution would be in the official report. Of course then they made all of that Ultra Top Secret. The U.S. Air Force was brand new that year and we shouldda known we couldn't count on anything being the way it was in the Air Corps.

I learned that lesson again when I was temporarily assigned to instruct with the Alabama National Guard when Lt. Bush was there, but that's another story.
 
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Wilbur stole my bicycle the day I intended to go to the beaches of North Carolina and test out my brand new "Soaromobile." It was December 16th, 1903.

Bastard.
 
Down in Nicalandia, they call me the Flying Mariachi. I use Florida as my mailing address for the FAA, but I'm really a bush pilot and aero taxi operator (Zenith CH801) in Nicaragua. I fly between Esteli and Managua mostly, but during Easter week I fly tourists around Lake Nicaragua from the town of Granada in an Ultralight on floats for $30 a pop. Keeps me in beer money.

I also sing and play guitar, and they say I could be the next Vicente Fernandez (down there at least). My rendition of Malagueña usually leaves them in tears, hence my nickname.
 
mikea said:
I haven't talked much about it since, but if Yeager had been in the habit of actually following orders like the rest of us did and hadn't dodged the doctor that day it would have be me that flew that profile in X-1 to break Mach 1.0. As it was I flew chase. The S.O.B. never mentioned us in his book or the movie. That's what following the rules get you.
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I hear ya brother. Towards the end of my prime flight test work on the X-15, I had a brief liaison with the daughter of the Commandant of the test pilot school at Edwards AFB. When he found out about it, I was banished to a then little know facility at Groom Lake. My work for the X-15 was erased from the official record, and all credit was given to Crossfield. All my subsequent work at Groom Lake is highly classified.
 
Frank Browne said:
I hear ya brother. Towards the end of my prime flight test work on the X-15, I had a brief liaison with the daughter of the Commandant of the test pilot school at Edwards AFB. When he found out about it, I was banished to a then little know facility at Groom Lake. My work for the X-15 was erased from the official record, and all credit was given to Crossfield. All my subsequent work at Groom Lake is highly classified.
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Hey, wait - no! That's what happened to ME, except it was the SR-71!!


And there was this one time? At band camp? ...
 
They were going to use me as a wing walker on a Super Decathlon. But, they had concerns for its ability to continue flying well after each step I took.
 
I invented the piano key necktie.
 
In my single days I would pick up girls by telling them that I invented the alphabet. That's not entirely true. Actually I was a member of the team that developed the letters M N and Q. But the letter I? That one was all me and in fact it was because of this that the phrase 'there's no I in team' was first uttered. :D
 
The Aurora is not the aircraft that the aliens promised us. The cloaking device and the hyperdrive are totally incompatable. You can have one but not the other. Entering the pattern is almost impossible except for a long straight-in. The adaptive communication system still adds "any traffic is the known universe, please advise" at the end of the neural net driven string. I can't really log PIC as long as the computer hogs the controls. This sucks. It's Yeagers fault anyway....he started this mess.
 
I taught Chuck Norris how to do a proper roundhouse kick.



James Dean
 
I taught Jimi Hendrix how to play the guitar.
 
This is what I really look like:
bill-goldberg.jpg
 
I told that Icarus kid he should have filed and gotten some more time in actual...
 
I taught Patch & IamBull everything they know.
 
I stole a supersecret helicopter, hid it out in the desert, and with my buddy Santini, we flew missions for Archangel.
String.
 
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July 2, 1947 - Roswell, New Mexico - The most famous and thoroughly investigated by journalists, this is the crash that launched Majestic-12. It was the first and only time the U.S. government publicly admitted it had recovered a crashed flying saucer. Within hours, the craft was whisked off to Wright-Patterson AFB and a new cover story emerged, claiming it had been only a weather balloon. In recent years, the officer responsible for that cover story has recanted. Three or four humanoid bodies were recovered; one was alive...

nmex1.jpg
​


That was me.
 
Well I'm actually a member of a secret Special Forces unit. I've done about 2-3000 HALO jumps (I quit counting), have been inserted into the Middle East to save the country (theirs) more than once.

Also I can kill you 10 different ways with just a credit card.B)
 
When I was given my new secret identity by such a top-secret Clandestine Internal Agency that it doesn't really exist, I was told to keep quiet about my work developing air-borne particle-beam laser weapons. If I was discovered talking about it to anyone below a Joint Chief of Staff, I would lose the $50,000/month stipend.

However, they didn't say I couldn't write ;) . Which is how I came to be so lucky as to meet such an august body of exemplary and acomplished men and women as I have here.
 
Al Gore be d***ed. I invented the internet. I want my royalties.
 
I actually invented all of the Apple products one evening when I'd had a bit too much to drink. In the sober light of the next morning I realized how bad they were and threw them all out. Apparently my neighbor Steve was going through my trash looking for food scraps and found them. The rest, as they say, is history. For those of you who have purchased one of these products, I apologize.
 
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